Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Fred & Bessie's Awesome West Texas Adventure... Day One

Yes, it's true. Fred & Bessie arrived in West Texas today. However, they are both in total Culture Shock, which may take them a day or so to recover from. I can't honestly blame them. When I moved to Texas from Colorado 33 years ago, I suffered from culture shock and STILL haven't recovered. I'm fairly certain they will be gone before it effects them permanently. (Be sure to click on each picture for a much larger image.)



Since they arrived a few hours ago, Fred & Bessie have been begging to go see some oil wells. Now, an oil well in these parts, is a common thing and you see them everywhere. However, in order to understand the "oil bidness" a little better, I thought I'd take them to The Petroleum Museum, which explains the process of drilling for oil from beginning to end. There are also many interactive displays that help in the understanding, and which are fun as well. Okay. So, that was the plan. However, like the West Texas weather, everything can change, and usually does.


However, I first wanted to give them the souvenirs I bought for them in San Antonio a few weeks ago when I was visiting a friend there. This gesture seems to have brightened up both of their spirits. Or maybe it was the beer. (Notice the tiny little beer bottles on the tray. They each drank a full beer, then shared the last one.) I'm not sure if I should take them anywhere in public now. Public intoxication is, after all, against the law. I'd hate to see them wind up in jail, especially since Fred & Bessie would be separated. Oh my! Yes, that would be a tragedy.


Well, as luck would have it, Fred, Bessie and I were touring around the downtown area and they insisted on riding around with their heads stuck out the window. While their heads were out the window, they were cackling and giggling like bad children in church. This is the point at which it happened. A policeman pulled me over and I was sure that he was going to ticket me for going too slow or something. Fred & Bessie, still feeling the full effects of the beer, were whooping & hollering like a couple of inebriated bovines crazies. Unfortunately, he didn't pull me over for a ticket.



The officer claimed I had two drunk entities in my car, which is never, under any circumstances, allowed. I promised to take them home immediately and put them to bed, but the peace officer wasn't buying it. He said they had to be arrested, charged, and released before I could see them again. He proceeded to read them their Miranda Rights, handcuffed them in the squad car, took them to the station, fingerprinted them as best he could, then took their mug shots.




OH NO! Fred & Bessie In The Pokey? This just can't be happening. I mean, they've only been here for a few short hours and already I've gotten them in trouble. Big Trouble. I am so upset about this chain of events that I could just puke. I had such fun plans for them today. Instead, they are spending their first day in the City Jail with CRIMINALS. This is not at all what I'd had planned, Dear Readers. I wanted them to see the finer side of Midland and instead, they are starting out by experiencing the seedier side to life in Midland.


Flea, I am so totally sorry for letting this horrible thing happen! I never dreamed a little cruise around the downtown area in such heat (Hey, maybe they had a touch of Heat Induced Turrett's Syndrome) would result in something like this. I feel HORRIBLE. I suppose if there was anyone ripe for getting the bevos into this kind of trouble, it would be me. However, all is not lost. I phoned a friend of mine and arranged to get Fred & Bessie out of the clink much earlier than they would have otherwise.

This is a picture of Fred & Bessie leaving the City Hall, after I sprung them from jail (which they were never actually put into...). It was but a minor cost when compared to how entertaining they are for me. Suddenly I have a life & someone to take care of. I mean, I will take care of. I Will.

We are all now back here at the abode and they are both in bed, in our son's old room, sleeping off aching hangovers. I had no clue that beer could effect such special cows so much. At any rate, I'm just happy that they're both alright. Thank goodness I was the designated driver! With luck, they won't remember a thing when they awaken in the morning. Well, I'm not telling unless asked. I might even lie when asked.... I might even offer them a hair of the dog. He he he... Wait! My Evil Twin said that.

19 comments:

Meg said...

I was wondering where those two had ended up! Lol!
They are so lucky to be in that part of the country with you to show them around! What's up next for those two? Too bad they didn't come visit during the oil show, lol! You could have reeeeeeeeeally showed them some ahem" West Texas Hospitality"! Maybe you should take them to "two a days" at one of the local High Schools and let them drool over our beautiful Texas football players! You should also take them for some really good Tex Mex while they are in town...and of course a round of Golf...

noble pig said...

Oh you are such a stinker. Cows in the pokey? Flea must be having a heart-attack!

However, they sure look comfy in their new beddy bye!

Have fun cows!

Mamahut said...

What a fun trip for the ornery cows! You are such a fun hostess.

Snooty Daughter said...

Haha I love it!!! Looks like they had fun, makes me miss Midland and YOU! Miss you madre!

Suzette said...

Mornin'! Noble Pig said I'd like your blog...and she was right. I'm a Texas girl, too, although I live in Tennessee right now. I'm watching your heat wave with interest. Were you living in Texas in 1980? Now THAT was a heat wave! Dear Lord! I still have the t-shirt - "I survived the 1980 Dallas heat wave on Mariano's Margaritas." And I did, too! :)

I can see I have lots more reading to do. I'll be back!

asthmagirl said...

I hope you show those cows a good time Snooty! Maybe take them for Margharitas?

Flea said...

Muh Baybeeees! :D

Bessie can't hold her likker, Snooty. We found that out with Mental P. And Fred loves to make her happy, so he'll enable her and let her drink. Sorry I didn't warn you. Looks like they're having a great time, though. They'll sleep it off and be good as new.

LOVE the sombreros!

Trisha said...

It looks like you are certainly showing the bovines a good time! Maybe next time you should claim they car jacked you when you get pulled over!

Wait - no. That would get them in even more trouble!

Mental P Mama said...

You know, I sortof hold myself responsible for their drinking issues. But I am so glad they are getting to feel the real flavor of Texas! Take good care of them. And please tell them I miss them;)

Pam said...

Hope Fred and Bessie are doing better today. Perhaps they should join you at the Petroleum Club -maybe they like and can tolerate cocktails better? Maybe a margarita to help cool them off...can't wait to see what they do next!

Daryl said...

I love how you gussied them up, Lizzie .. you are the absolute best hostess .. clearly it was Mental's fault they craved likka ...

:-Daryl

Mz. Nesbit said...

I LOVE it! You are SO funny!
LMAO!

scargosun said...

Oh those cows! The trouble they can get into.

I am sure they still had a good time though, hangovers, mugshots and all.

TSannie said...

Better keep a close eye on them!

And don't let that hubby of yours get near them with his Roundup - that spray kind is just no good for cows!

dlyn said...

*sniff* They have come so far since they were here to visit - I hope they don't have to end their travels in some kind of rehab facility.

B. Roan said...

Oh what a great story you've told! I was in a rather bad mood after a nasty day at work. You would think it was a full moon. Thanks for the laugh! I remember the Texas heat wave of 1980, and I now complain about Illinois summer. Silly me!

Janie said...

Oooooh. I love their little outfits! And they need to have some down and crazy Midland times, but girl, did you have to get them arrested?

Oh, yeah...they were under the influence, allright - the influence of Snooty!

Heh.

Love it!

Krysta said...

Send them to me and I'll make sure they get pictures inside a real jail! Actually I was just wondering where they had gone to. It's good to know they are in such safe hands!

imbeingheldhostage said...

LOVE those souvenirs you got them!! How cool is that?!

 

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