Dressing Your Midlife Middle...

In the November issue of MORE magazine there is an article of the same name by Charla Krupp, which is what actually prompted me to buy the issue. I could hardly wait to get home and crack it open to find out about how to hide my mid section better. I was very sadly disappointed to find that it was written by someone who doesn't really have a *middle section* problem. I, on the other hand, do have a problem, which warrants me more worthy of authoring an article on same.

Alright, I admit I'm a bit past what you'd refer to as "midlife", unless I expect to live to 112, which I don't. However, I'm not dead yet and I love clothes and I love to look good, which I do most of the time. I look good without their *help*, thanks anyway.

I'm always appalled to see other women my age who dress just like their daughters. Doesn't anyone ever tell them they look ridiculous? Apparently not. I am not one of those women. I don't dress for old age either. I dress for appropriate age. There is a rather large difference.

Anyway, back to the article in More magazine. The clothing she suggests we wear to hide our midsection is ridiculous. Empire waists? Not in this lifetime. Empire waists make me look like an elephant because I also have an overly ample bustline. Her other suggestions include layering clothing and wearing very high heels. What? To hide my midsection? I don't think so! That would only serve to make me look huge. The high heels would only make me miserable the entire time I wear them.

Another suggestion she offered was wearing shapewear like Spanx, Lipo-In-A-Box, Wacoal or Donna Karan. I don't know about you, but whenever I put one of those things on, it only pushes the fat parts up and out, causing you to have a whole new line (in various places) and I don't mean panty line. One night while watching late, late night TV (yes there MAY have been a bit of vodka involved), I came across an info-mercial that was offering basically the same thing, different brand. Yes, I succumbed to their wiley sales pitches and bought not one, but six of them, thinking I would really use them. I got three in the nude color and three in black. After trying on one, the rest have never been out of the boxes. I looked like the Pillsbury Dough Boy on steroids. Again, these were designed by a THIN woman. Uh-Huh.

She did suggest a wrap dress that crosses over in the front, which I really liked until I saw the price. $720.00 by Allegra Hicks. No way Hosay! It's a day dress, not even the kind I could wear to church or a wedding. She also offered a cute, cute cropped jacket by Jeffrey Montiero at $740.00. Another offering was an Empire A-Line (day) Dress by Lisa Perry that retails for $1,095.00 and a two-piece skirt (Missoni $1,975.00) and top (Nili Lotan $280.00) that totals $2,205.00. The latter is one of the ugliest outfits I've ever laid eyes on. The writer actually gets paid for these absurd articles she writes.

What? You've got to be kidding me! Has the entire world gone insane? Not one piece of clothing she offered was affordable, and we're not poor. Just sensible. I might possibly spend that much on a coat I'm going to wear for years, but not on a dress or cropped jacket that will be out of style by next season. Designers need to seriously get a grip on life and what it's really all about, as do those who push the designer clothing.

Needless to say, I have lost all faith in magazine articles that offer helpful suggestions for hiding this flaw or another, geared toward the Baby Boomer Generation. Who are they trying to fool anyway? I think I'll stick with my ever faithful common sense instead. Just because something is in style or is a fad, doesn't mean we should go with it. Sometimes the classics are better and you can wear them for years, no matter the cost. Now, that is what dressing is all about. What makes you look good and what you can afford.