Saturday, October 31, 2009

Once Upon A Midnight Dreary.... It Turned Into Halloween!

I found this hilarious list online about what to say to Trick-or-Treaters to confuse them. Of course I've never done any of these things (okay maybe the last one but only after 10:00 PM when the kids get to be too big), but they made me laugh:

20 Ways To Confuse Trick-Or-Treaters

  1. Give away something other than candy. (Toothpicks, golf balls, bags of sand, etc.)
  2. Wait behind the door until some people come. When they get near the door, jump out, wearing a costume, and holding a bag, and yell, "Trick or Treat!" Look at them, scratch your head, and act confused.
  3. Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers. Write on it, "Top Secret" in big letters. When trick-or-treaters come, look around suspiciously, say, "It's about time you got here," give them the briefcase, and quickly shut the door.
  4. Get about 30 people to wait in your living room. When trick-or-treaters come to the door, say, "Come in." When they do, have everyone yell, "Surprise!!!" Act like it's a surprise party.
  5. Get everyone who comes to the door to come in and see if they can figure out what's wrong with your dishwasher. Insist that it makes an unnatural "whirring" sound.
  6. After you give them candy, hand the trick-or-treaters a bill.
  7. Open the door dressed as a giant fish. Immediately collapse, and don't move or say anything until the trick-or-treaters go away.
  8. When you answer the door, hold up one candybar, throw it out into the street, and yell, "Crawl for it!"
  9. When you answer the door, look at the trick-or-treaters, act shocked and scared, and start screaming your head off. Slam the door and run around the house, screaming until they go away.
  10. Insist that the trick-or-treaters each do ten push-ups before you give them any candy.
  11. Hand out menus to the trick-or-treaters and let them order their candy. Keep asking if anyone wants to see the wine list.
  12. Get a catapult. Sit on your porch and catapult pumpkins at anyone who comes within 50 yards of your house.
  13. When people come to the door, jump out a nearby window, crashing through the glass, and run as far away from your house as you can.
  14. Answer the door dressed as a pilgrim. Stare at the trick-or-treaters for a moment, pretend to be confused, and start flipping through a calendar.
  15. Instead of candy, give away colored eggs. If anyone protests, explain that the eggs are the only thing you had left over from Easter.
  16. Answer the door dressed as a dentist. Angrily give the trick-or-treaters a two-hour lecture on tooth decay.
  17. Answer the door with a mouthful of M&M's and several half-eaten candy bars in your hands. Act surprised, and close the door. Open it again in a few seconds, and insist that you don't have any candy.
  18. Hand out cigarettes and bottles of asprin.
  19. Put a crown on a pumpkin and put the pumpkin on a throne on your porch. Insist that all of the trick-or-treaters bow before the pumpkin.
  20. Dress up like a bunny rabbit. Yell and curse from the moment you open the door, and angrily throw the candy at the trick-or-treaters. Slam the door when you're finished.
Happy Halloween!


Clippy Mat said...

21. put a box of chips on the front porch with a sign that says, HELP YOURSELF TO ONE. HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
and then go out!
that's what I did.
and i don't even feel guilty.

Patricia Hannigan said...

I am totally exhausted from four hours of non stop candy despensing ... Next year I'm definitely using something from that list. :o)

Snooty Primadona said...

I am too! I finally turned out all the lights. No candy (6 bags) left...

St Jude said...

Urm, I might have to admit to #17!

noble pig said...

I am laughing so hard I can't stop! The fish one makes me laugh so hard.

Mental P Mama said...

I'm liking the pilgrim one myself....

Anonymous said...

I am with Clippy Mat, your first commenter. I also put the candy out and I ignored the trick or treaters. I wanted to protect my dogs, especially the 10 week old puppy, from rambunctious children in scary masks.

I also put in a flame barrier to make sure they couldn't come up to the door.

Yes, a flame barrier.

snooty daughter said...

Love the decorations!!!

Patty said...

Funny. I like the catapult idea.

Enjoyed your decorations.

Anonymous said...

I just found your blog and this is so funny. I have to 'steal'! I can tell you brighten everyone's day.
Thank you.


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