Thursday, December 31, 2009

When We Were Young And Beautiful.... You Just Can't Go Back, Dammit

I'm not sure how time slipped up on us without our being aware of it, but it did. I saw it slowly creeping up on us as the kids and I went through the gazillions of pictures that have documented our lives. I look into the mirror at my current image and I know time has stolen something from me... from all of us, and I know I can never get it back. Frankly, it's as painful as the loss of an old friend.

Why was I always in a hurry? Why didn't I stop to enjoy things more? My elders warned me of this but I didn't listen. Did you? I blew off their warnings with a brush of my mind and hand, never realizing it would someday come to a screeching halt. Of course I've always known that everyone passes on eventually but I didn't have time to think about such things because I was busy making memories. Now, I wish it had not all gone so fast, even though it didn't seem fast at the time.

It really was just a few weeks ago when the kids were young, precious, and innocent. However, the reflection I see in the mirror tells me otherwise. It has certainly been a great ride, but my face and body tell the real story of how many years it has truly been.

Where did the energy and beauty of my youth go? It all went into trying to be a Super Mom, a Super Housekeeper, a Super Volunteer and a Super Wife. I got by on less than five hours of sleep every night because I had things to do and there were just never enough hours in the day to get everything done. I always used to say that I'd get plenty of sleep once I'm dead, never realizing I was pulling the plug on my youth. I took care of everyone else before even thinking about me (which I seldom did). I suppose I'm still that way, really. But, I don't think I've ever actually achieved any of those titles (which strangely doesn't bother me now).

So, as I watch another year go flying past me, I force myself to stop and reflect on my life which probably isn't the best idea but I'm going there anyway because that's just the way I roll these days. Although it can often make me sad to reflect, it also lends me strength to realize all of the things I've accomplished in the last decade, even though I never achieved perfection. I try to not stress out over my many mistakes but I find that difficult to do. Inside, I want to go back and do things over even though that is just ridiculous to even think about. I want to take back all the things said in the heat of anger. I want to relive the times I was too weary to do what the kids wanted to do because I'd stayed up all night trying to beat Mario Brothers or Zelda. What a waste of life that was. But more than anything I want to relive all the good times.

My dreams haven't changed much over the years but I try not to think about them so much anymore. Wishing for that which I will never do or attain is, I believe, detrimental to my health. No matter how much I want things to be perfect, they will never be perfect. I can't take back anything and I can't roll back time and that is reality. All I can really do now is try to be a better parent, a more loving wife, or a stronger friend, even if it's too late. And it's never too late, is it?

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've learned to live life as if tomorrow is my last day. Never pass up the chance to tell those you care about how much you love them. Watch what you say in the heat of anger. Always sleep on your back and never go to bed with your makeup on (the top two pointers for avoiding wrinkles for which I am the *Don't Do* poster child). Be as kind as possible to everyone but don't be a doormat. Your family is always the most important thing no matter what, but sometimes you need to put yourself first too. Find at least one or two things that make you happy, and do them often. Life is too short to be around people who don't like you or vice versa (but with family it's a fine line). Having a pet you love makes you human which ultimately makes you live longer. Hmmm... Did I forget anything? Oh, and take the best care of your teeth that you possibly can. It's really a drag when you lose them. Don't sweat the small stuff, and it's all small stuff. Eat well. Drink wine. Be happy. Laugh often. These are the things I've learned in 57 years.... or not.


Treasia said...

Snooty, you are as beautiful today as you were in your youth. Never think any different.

The Incredible Woody said...

Wear good (and clean!) underwear.

Happy New Year!! And what Treasia said:)

Suburban Princess said...

Great post!

Happy New Year!

Patricia Hannigan said...

It's so, so, so true about time and how it passes. And how no one can ever really communicate to the next generation how ultra important it is to enjoy the good things and love the good people in your life. And worry less. Why do we all waste so much time worrying when what we're worrying about will be totally irrelevant so soon.

You have a beautiful family and a great outlook and many a day when I've been feeling down your blog made me feel better. :o)

So Happy New Year Snooty Primadona...wishing you and your family the best for 2010!

Mental P Mama said...

Wonderful post! And you are beautiful!

These Nine Acres said...

What a great post. I need to heed your advice about slowing down and enjoying.

Happy New Year!

Tammy said...

Such a great post! My husband and I had a similar conversation the other day, about how he always wants time to go by fast to a future time, I'm always telling him to enjoy the now, he has a hard time with that!

You are definitely as beautiful or more so now as you were then!

BJ Roan said...

Tears often flow when I stop by for a visit with Snooty, tears from laughing so hard. Today I found a nostalgic tear or two. Not only are you still beautiful, you are one smart woman Snoots. Happy New Year!

Deb said...

Happy New Years Day! Great post today!!!

Daryl said...

My dear Lizzie .. you are beautiful ... get a new mirror! Happy New Year! Great post.

Snooty Primadona said...

I am turning into such a realist (after a life spent as a romantic). I seriously do not post like this so that people will tell me I'm still beautiful. I do it in hopes that others will understand what falls under the IMPORTANT column, as I did not for so many years. If I can help one person realize that time is short, then my effort has been rewarded.

I honestly spent so many years wasting my valuable time on this earth doing insignificant & unimportant things. I just hope to pass along some of the wisdom that has accompanied my many mistakes.

Sure, I did lots of good things for community and family. I'm talking about all the times that I wasted time spent with unimportant matters when I should have been with my family or taking better care of myself. You can't get that back. Ever.

Beth Dunn said...

Happy New Year Mrs. Snoots! Love you. xoxo


Heather said...

Great advice that really hits my heart right now. It's so funny how the days can seem so slow, but the years just fly by.

Jeff B said...

Here by way of BJ. Glad she pointed me this direction.

Yours is very sound advice from someone who has not just lived, but has learned to live well.

Snooty Primadona said...

Thanks Jeff B & thanks for stopping by!

Clippy Mat said...

i'm reading random posts in random order as i haven't been able to keep up with everyone's blogs as much as i would like recently. anyway, this one touched me. it says how i feel but haven't been able to express as well as you just did.
life. !?
wow, where does the time go?
you hit the nail on the head and it must be how everyone feels when they get to our age. we are so aware of time that has passed and the way events pan out.
we realize that there's no going back now, and what's done is done etc.
this was good to read.
thanks snoots.
loved it.


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