Sunday, January 3, 2010

Flatulence and Humor... What IS The Connection? Laughter, Of Course

Most of the time I try keeping my blog posts about nice subjects but occasionally I just have to let one like this rip. I know. That was a terrible pun, wasn't it? But, I started thinking about a former friend from long ago who was an ER nurse and was completely disgusted by any mention of flatulence or (God Forbid) even the sound of it. Seriously. This woman could stand and watch gushing blood from another human or stare at crushed bones with no reaction and yet, she would be completely grossed out by flatulence. I mean, how is that even possible? Needless to say, we didn't remain friends for long. I finally realized she had a warped sense of what little humor she had in her.

Flatulence has always been a mystery and a fascination for me since I was a small child. My mother (The Brown Recluse) forbade me or my brother to ever make such a faux pas *pass* in her presence. I'm serious. It was punishable by grounding. Often worse. I grew up in total pain as far back as I can remember. Gut. Wrenching. Pain. Embarrassment (even though no one knew). Humiliation. Horror. You get the drift. But hey, I grew up with a brother, so there were experiments involving matches, get over it. Only when The Brown Recluse was *out on the town*, otherwise it was a punishable sin. Needless to say, I grew up constipated and plagued with gas and remained that way for much of my life.


Until, that is, I met Mr. Snoots, the Dutch Oven King. (I'm assuming no explanation is needed here.) When we'd been seeing each other for quite a while, I relayed my story to him. He couldn't believe it and made it his mission to change that part of my life. (He grew up the middle child of three boys, right?) I won't even go into The Dutch Oven Wars. Let me just say that he's regretted encouraging me ever since. Uh-huh. He knows he created a monster and has had to live with said monster for 32+ years. The poor dear. His false belief that women only pooped little pink roses was forever diminished. He hasn't been the same since. But, he did ask for it. I'm just sayin'....



Cruel Husband - Amazing videos are here


I've been a much happier person though. Then there was giving childbirth, which teaches you that you can never be embarrassed in front of strangers again. Excuse me. I was spread eagle in front of a large group of complete strangers (except my OB) who ALL had on masks. After that, there is no dignity in embarrassment. Natural bodily functions are just that. Bodily functions. A natural (although entertaining) function of the body when there is an inside build up of gas, for whatever reasons. These functions are just controlled AND tolerated better by some people than others.

Of course, I would never do it at a cocktail party or in church. Well, I wouldn't do it intentionally anyway. However, I am reaching that certain age where bodily functions aren't so easily controlled in public situations, but that should prove to provide many a good tale. This is one of the reasons I spend a great deal of time alone. Don't dare think I'm kidding. I suppose I should start pretending my hearing is going.

Apparently, I have the insides of a volcano. Sometimes life isn't always fair.

When my children were little and would pass gas, we would call it *stepping on a frog* then just giggle away. So one day we went to Luby's cafeteria for lunch, where we were in line behind an elderly man and his wife. In the middle of the cafeteria line the elderly man let one escape and it was really quite loud. I'm assuming he was losing his hearing because he seemed like he didn't know. At that moment our son said in his loudest voice, "Mom! He just stepped on a frog!" The laughter all around us sent me out of control and the three of us simply had to flee. I knew I wouldn't be able to stop laughing, especially if we sat where I could still see the old fart. So, we left and went elsewhere, as I explained to son that he shouldn't yell about it in public because it could embarrass someone and make them feel bad and we don't want to hurt people's feelings.


 
Blind Date Fart - Watch more amazing videos here



And you know what? If you can't handle this kind of post, then you need to go ahead and leave anyway. You don't belong here. Meanwhile, don't let the door slam you in the patootie on the way out. Seriously, at my age, I have no more time for baloney or ninnies. Life is real, and it's all we've got, so why waste it on such trivial details as being offended by talk/laughter/discussion about a natural bodily function, so embarrassing and funny at the same time? Laughter is good for you, so get over the being offended thing and let that laughter roar!

Robert Fulghum even mentions the hilarity of it in his book Uh-Oh. This is a quote from his book: "Thank God for these real life accidents that keep us from the boredom of perfection. I will never forget when one of these accidents happened at an inappropriately grim funeral service once. An old uncle of the deceased got the hiccups, and when he tried to repress them, he managed to hiccup and fart at the same time. You can't really ignore these things, try as you might, even under funeral conditions. Uncle Jack saved the day. Great funeral. (I hope that in carrying out your responsibilities to make the appropriate sounds as they appear in the text, that your capacities haven't been taxed here.)"


Frankly, any discussion of this subject usually throws me into fits of uncontrollable and hysterical laughter. I know. It's weird. But, I lose control nearly every time and go into total fits of hysterical giggling. No, I lose control EVERY time. Actually, it doesn't even have to be a discussion... it could be merely a certain sound and I'm off into total hysteria, laughing like a resident of the funny farm. And no, I'm not 12. I just act like it.

20 comments:

Suburban Princess said...

You are so right about childbirth - nothing embarasses me anymore!

One day I was at a diner with a few friends and an old man further down the banquette let a wailing fart go and it reverberated against the vinyl seating - omg I still get a fit of the giggles when I think about trying to casually finish lunch while stifling laughter!

When my gran died my son was 4 months old and during the funeral he got the hiccups - eventually everyone in the chapel was giggling away just like my gran would've wanted. My little drunken sailor certainly lightened the mood!

Snooty Primadona said...

Oh yeah! Vinyl + farts = impromptu whoopie cushion... hee hee hee hee hee

Cathy M said...

Thanks for starting my day off with a laugh. I just know that I'll be laughing all day whenever I think about your post.

T said...

What a way to start my morning!

In our house, bathroom humor is BIG!

Tammy said...

Hahahaha, I needed a laugh on this back to work morning!

On New Year's Eve my husband and I were playing a game with our daughter and her friend, it was a question reading game and the question I was to ask was about Uranus. I started laughing so hard I couldn't read the card. My daughter actually called me immature!! I still laugh thinking about it, hehehe.

So let it rip Snooty, I'm not going anywhere!!

The Incredible Woody said...

Yes, I am married to a man that loves (and I mean LOVES!) to let one rip just as he is exiting an elevator. Especially if there is a crowd waiting to get on.

Treasia Stepp said...

Thanks for bringing a smile to my Monday Ms. Snooty. In our house gas is a natural thing along with the giggles and sometimes contests.

Mental P Mama said...

LOL. Childbirth is the great leveler, isn't it? I think even the hospital janitor was in there when I managed to squeeze twins out of myself 18 years ago! Nothing can embarrass you after that!

Patricia Hannigan said...

Thanks Snooty Primadona for the perfect pick-me-up on an otherwise blah post-holiday-Monday.

Daryl said...

When I fart, ToonMan says 'I love you' ... I pretend not to know what he means ...

I worked with a man who had the worst gas after lunch of anyone in the world and he pretended it wasnt happening so I pretended it wasnt happening ..

Peanut butter is evil ... never sleep with ToonMan after he's has peanut butter .. that's all I am saying.

noble pig said...

I am laughing hysterically. I remember being in church and the old man in front of started letting them rip every 15 seconds or so...it wouldn't stop. My dad and brother and I had to leave because we couldn't stop laughing...we left and went and had donuts.

Snooty Primadona said...

Thanks for adding all your own fart stories. You've all given me a laugh right back!

Blarney said...

What goes in must come out is what I tell my kids. Besides, how else am I to get to the food sales on senior day?? You gotta hold your own you know!

imbeingheldhostage said...

I loved the first video, but screamed in laughter at the second one!!! I'll have to come back and comment on the post after I'm done cleaning myself up.

brneyedgal967 said...

And if you don't win a WEBBY for this post, then they're stuck up assholes. IMHO.

Just sayin'

Love ya,
Tammy

Heather said...

I remember my girlfriends and I laughing about losing a "silent" one after having a baby. We'd grab our diapered babes and smell their sweet bums to act like the stink must be coming from one of them. It's only fair!

lisaiscooking said...

Hilarious! Would you believe I only recently learned what a Dutch oven is? I know, and I grew up in a big family with brothers. We shared lots of jokes about bodily functions!

My Metabolic Rate is Stuck said...

BEST Post I've read for awhile...THANKS for making me laugh!
All too true too!! :)

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I'd like to exchange links with you to help spread some traffic around between each other.

Please let me know if this is possible.

Jason
ThatVACATIONfeeling.com

The wife said...

These post just sent me into a fit of laughter! When the nurse was checking on me after I had Macho Man I let one slip and Hubby about fell in the floor trying to contain his laughter! After the nurse left the room we were both in hysterics...which almost killed me since I had just been cut in half the day before!!!

 

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