Thursday, January 20, 2011

It's Hard Being A Good Friend When You Weren't Around Long Enough To Learn...

I know a lot of women who have an amazing amount of friends for their support group. I'm not one of them. It's hard for me to make friends since I never had many growing up. We always moved before I could solidify any relationships with other girls my age. Therefore, I really never had any practice at being a good friend.


Being a good friend is an art I've never mastered, although I do have a few die hard friends scattered here and there. I'm not sure why, since I've never actually worked at cultivating these friendships. Still, I love them dearly and would do almost anything for them. Then it dawned on me that perhaps I'm just not that likable a person, but then decided I'm more likable than most, so that can't be it. I'm just not well versed in remembering birthdays, planning for special occasions, etc. I tend to just go about life living in my own private little world, with little regard for others (since I can't remember anything these days). 


I dream about what it would be like to actually have friends that I talk with every day, but am uncertain as to whether or not that's what I really want. I think it mostly has to do with missing my best friend Susan (Suze/*sooz*), gone five years now. Most of the time I don't think about it but every now and then I get melancholy, missing my oldest friend. I miss going MIA with her on our *afternoon adventures in early cocktails*, lunches-turned-adventures, trips to shop in Dallas while staying at The Adolphus, trips with our kids to every place they wanted to go, etc. Those were truly the days when we had the most fun.


I suppose it's quite different for those who grew up in *normal* families. You never even knew kids like me existed, much less understood what we were going through every time we had to attend a new school (which was basically every 3-6 months for me).


Still, I persevere to learn. It's not easy knowing how to be a good friend without knowing the *ground rules*. I suppose you could say I'm still a work in progress and probably always will be until I die....

14 comments:

Bodaciousboomer said...

Miss Liz I really wish we lived closer because I think we could be great friends. From what I can tell we are alike in many ways; except your house is much better decorated, you play golf and actually love to swim.

Sjn said...

I think we're all a work in progress until we die, there's always something to learn, something to improve upon.
I consider you My friend Snooty... you make me laugh, you write me comforting comments when I'm blue, you compliment my attempts at decorating and crafting, and... you golf! Sounds like you've got this friendship thing down pretty good girl!

Tammy said...

I hear ya sister! My best friend lives on the opposite side of the US, we are good about being in contact at least once a week, sometimes more. Most of my other friends are ones I've had since high school and sometimes I go months without being in contact with them and they live only 20 minutes away. I have a couple other good friends (asthmagirl being one) who I know I can call anytime for anything and she will be there for me, and that's a good feeling. But as far as cultivating new friendships I don't have the time, the energy or the desire. I like living in my own little world!

Mental P Mama said...

I'm here for you....hugs.

The Incredible Woody said...

Seriously, I think you might be my long lost twin. I've never really had many close girlfriends. It is something that I long for as well. (Except for the daily phone sessions - I'm not particularly chatty.) So I'll be yours if you'll be mine:)

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Flea said...

Most of my friends anymore are online. I consider you one of them. If I could make a huge road trip and visit you all, I would. Here's to friend! Real and imaginary. :)

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These Nine Acres said...

*ouch* for the toe. Just saw that.

As far as the friends go...totally overrated. I have a few who love me despite my flaws (I too can not remember birthdays!) and have been with me through thick and thin. And you know what...that is plenty.

imbeingheldhostage said...

I get it... and I didn't move around a lot.
I think this is why I have a love/hate relationship with Oprah. I keep buying her magazines, but keep hating her as she has article after article of these great girlfriend relationships.
You said, "I dream about what it would be like to actually have friends that I talk with every day, but am uncertain as to whether or not that's what I really want." That's the clincher, isn't it? I get it.

Paxie said...

I see you won an award..congratulations!!

Most of mine are online too. After my career in the AF, it got hard meeting and saying goodbye. I don't have close personal friends around, except one. I had two but she showed her true colors. Ugh.

Yes...a work in progress. Me too!

Diane said...

This resonated for me because I have no friends from growing up due to moving constantly. I have no best friends, but I'm blessed to have some good friends like Tammy who is only a few minutes away. Most of my friends are online, like you. It's been such a positive having a blog and connecting to women all over the world!

Snooty Primadona said...

Amen sisters!

Connie said...

I'm with you on this. I don't have many true friends (by that I mean not anyone I would trust farther than I can throw them) and I'm okay with that.

 

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