Colonoscopy? No Problem. Finding A Vein? Kind Of A Problem...

If you've ever heard anything about having a colonoscopy, you've probably heard that the absolute worst part is the preparation and drinking a gallon of the stuff they give you. It's all true. It was awful.


However, the remainder is pretty much a blur since I was given Demerol. I barely remember a thing! The doctor removed one pollyp, which was sent for a biopsy. I should know the results within a week. So, Mr. Snoots brought me home where I immediately fell into a very deep sleep for several hours and he went back to his office rather than stay & watch over me.

However, I also had a nurse who was trying to find a vein in my hand and missed, spilling blood under my skin. It's really a lovely look and it hurt like the devil at the time. I almost went to a holiday *coffee* today until I realized my hand was still swollen, as well as being black and blue, among other colors. Not wanting to explain to everyone, I opted to skip it and stay home.


So, I spent the day cleaning the house, trying to get everything ready for Christmas (cleaning up the mess made by the painter). Only then, did I bother to look at the post-op instructions that said there should be no heavy lifting or straining. Oops. Too late for that. Or where it said no aspirin products for 7 days. Oops. Too late for that as well. Plainly, someone should have been keeping an eye on me the same way I kept an eye on them. Didn't Happen......

The Jury's Still Out...

I informed my Gastroenterologist ahead of time that I'm claustrophobic and that I have a very low threshold for pain. I even told him twice so that he would understand the brevity of my situation. He understood perfectly and made certain that I had enough sedation to totally knock my lights out. I made certain that he understood that the last time I didn't have enough sedation (during a Gingivectomy)... I grabbed the Periodontists family jewels. His assistants practically had to remove my arm to release my death grip. Embarrassingly enough, they laugh about that to this day. I'm still not laughing and neither was Dr. Patel. He made sure I was heavily sedated. Dear Man.

So... he says he removed *a number* of polyps and also took a tissue sample. I won't find out about the tissue sample until Monday, if not later. Here's The Thing. When I was 34 I was diagnosed with stomach cancer after my G.P. sent me for an upper G.I. I had been throwing up for months & months, so he scheduled me for the Upper G.I. After it was done, I went back to his office and he told me that I had stomach cancer and to get my life in order. My son was 3 years old and my daughter had just turned one.

I called Mr. Snoots from the doctor's office and told him what the doctor had said. He said "Bull Shit!" and called a childhood friend who had returned here to practice internal medicine and I was waiting in his office an hour later. I was shaking and scared, on the verge of completely freaking out as he ushered me into his office. He then proceeded to tell me that there has never been anyone as young as I was, diagnosed with stomach cancer. So, he gave me some heavy drugs, made an appointment for me at the hospital the next day, for a laperoscopy (I think that's what it was called). They started me with an I.V. of Valium and after that I don't remember a thing. As it turned out, I did not, in fact, have stomach cancer. I had huge honking stomach ulcers the size of one's fist, for which I remain on medicine, to this day. Oh Yeah! Can you just see what a relaxed mommy and wife I was now? Uh-Huh.

So, I was just sure that something horrible was going to be found in the colonoscopy... like I really did have stomach cancer after all. However, that being said, I believe that only the good die young. If that's really true, then I guess I'm good to go. I guess I'll find out for sure on Monday. I haven't exactly taken great care of myself over the years, and I've certainly had my fun when I wanted to, so I guess I deserve whatever comes my way. I'm hoping that I've redeemed myself along the way enough to come out of this deal clean. Only time will tell now.

I hate, hate, hate playing the *waiting game*, but clearly, I have no choice. If you feel like tossing a few prayers my direction, it would be greatly appreciated. I'll post again after I hear about the tissue sample results. Until then, my mind is rather preoccupied.

Are we having fun yet?

Today Is C-Day......

I've scheduled this post for while I'm at the Gastroenterologist's doing That Thing I Don't Want To Do. As I recall, my bloggy friend Flea is having hers done today as well. So, here's a toast to us for even going through with this!

I am scared absolutely shitless about having this done, but with enough drugs (Demerol) I should at least survive the procedure, if not the eventual diagnosis. It will be a true miracle if I make it through this deal unscathed. Or make it long enough to complete the procedure. This is totally freaking me out and I'm more than ready to be through with all of this. Or bail.

I'm scared that they will find something bad because for my entire life I've had (ahem!) gastrointestinal problems which was, at long last, diagnosed as IBS. There! I've said it and now it's out in the open. I've had this my entire life, but when I was growing up there wasn't a name for it. I just thought everyone had this, for the longest time. I had no idea that you could live without the pain and embarrassment of this disease. So yah, I. Am. Scared. Throughout my life my guts have put me through Hell, although within the last year I discovered Acidophilus. It restores your *innerds* flora, so to speak. I've experienced great success with Acidophilus, after trying everything under the sun that didn't work. The fact remains that my insides have been through Hell for years. So yes, I'm scared.

Until I surface again (hopefully with a good diagnosis) I am

Yours Truly,

Yesterday 61 Degrees... Today 27 Degrees... Tomorrow 61 Degrees

The wind chill is 11 degrees. If this isn't the kind of weather to make you sick, then I don't know what is. My outdoor plants are most likely dead after this little cold snap, even though they were covered with heavy blankets. I'm not even going to leave the house today, it's so cold. I have a wonderful fire going in the fireplace today and this is where I'm going to stay. Even the cat agrees. The local Widiots (weather idiots) predicted snow mixed with feezing rain but, as usual, they were wrong.

On another note... We've been smelling the most awful odor around our house. Really. It smells like rotten eggs. First thinking it was the old pipes, we poured huge bottles of Clorox down the drains, which would work for a day or two. Then, the nasty odor returned in full force. It's been driving us nuts. So, I finally did a Google search and came up with all kinds of possibilities for what might be the source of this problem. Over the weekend we tried several of the suggested remedies. Yesterday, the odor was back with a vengeance. So, today I'm waiting for the plumber to arrive. He gets to crawl under the Peer & Beam part of our house in search of a broken sewer line, which is what they predict the problem to be. Sometimes I really hate old houses...

Colonoscopy Update:

I survived my first visit to the Gastro Doctor. Actually he's quite nice and is originally from India. We have an abundance of Indian doctors here and they are all very good doctors. We chatted a bit about my family history & other unmentionable histories. He explained that they will knock me out with Demerol for the procedure. Thank God. He also explained that the worst part of it will be the night before the procedure, when I must completely cleanse my insides. Oh Yeah! That sounds like a hot time. Then, he explained that if they find any polyps during the procedure, they will go ahead and remove them. Thank God I'm going to be asleep.

Anyway, after my first visit with this very personable doctor, I feel much better about the procedure. Sort of. I go in for my colonoscopy on Thursday, February 5th. I figure I might as well quit putting this off.

Next thing you know, I'll be doing crazy things like scheduling appointments with my Gynecologist, whom I haven't seen in a while....

Now I Understand The Merits Of Facebook... I Think

This doesn't necessarily mean that I have figured out Facebook. However, through Facebook I've reconnected with an old friend that I haven't seen in 10 years, which makes me ecstatic. It's the friend that talked me into singing the National Anthem before the semi-pro baseball game one night many years ago. Yes, it's my (used-to-be) wild and crazy friend Allison.

She found me through a search on Facebook, which is one feature I'm evidently not smart enough to figure out. So, now I think I *get* the whole Facebook thing. I just don't *get* ALL of the Facebook thing.

It seems like every time I go into my account, it takes forever to do anything. It's very slow uploading or downloading, which makes me very frustrated. That's one of the reasons I quit doing eBay. Their site is so painfully slow that it makes me want to let out a huge primal scream every time I tried to use it. Facebook is running a very close second. I don't like slow. I guess you could say that my internet surfing is right up there with Mr. Snooty's TV channel surfing. Out. Of. Control.

In the last several weeks I've been trying to switch over to a new email account after having been with AOL since 1996. Yes, it has been a particularly trying relationship with AOL over the years and I'm more than ready to bid them adieu. However, I'm having difficulty adjusting to the different format over at gmail, which means it's going to be a rough transition. I'm also thinking about paying for an email account because of my online business. Mr. Snoots has a juno account, so I'm thinking maybe I will do that, but I'll have to adjust to yet another email format.

It seems the world within the internet is changing drastically, at a pace that is difficult to keep up with at times. Sometimes I like the changes, but most often, the changes tend to make the sites go at a snail's pace, which is also very annoying. At my age, you'd think I'd have more patience, but such is not the case.

I will close for now with this... Don't be jealous but I'm headed out to my first appointment with the doctor doing my colonoscopy. I'm all fuzzy feeling about going. Like I want to throw up. I suppose they will give me instructions on how to prepare for the procedure. I. Am. Scared. Shitless. (Oooops! There goes my New Year's Resolution.) One of my closest friends died from colon cancer at the age of 48, so this scares the living hell out of me.

Frankly, I'd much rather be doing something like this:

Yearly Check-Up With My Doctor... Check. Scheduled Colonoscopy... Uh-Oh

WARNING! This post is not for the weak of stomach or mind, so Shoo! However, you'll miss the experience of a lifetime. It'll change your life, I promise.



For some demented reason I thought I could escape having the dreaded colonoscopy, but that doctor of mine is just full of tricks up his sleeve. That man had the audacity to go into partnership with his wife, who is also a GP. I had my blood work done last week, so when I went in today, I was ushered in to see the wife. Mrs. Doctor.


Can we talk? This woman has mastered the *Evil Eye* of all disapproving looks. I swear to God I thought Reverend Mother Margaret Mary had returned from the grave to torture me. She might as well have because Mrs. Doctor must have learned it from The Rev. It made me squirm and twitch like a 7 year old. I can't really describe *the look* except to say that she has the biggest doe eyes that seem to look into the depths of your soul. Although not actually soul cleansing, her *look* comes pretty close to at least being a momentary enema of the mind. It's that look that says "Woman to woman, you know I'm right about this, don't you?" It's quite unnerving.


Thinking I could just say "Oh sure. You bet. Uh-Huh. I'll schedule that colonoscopy right away. Now, can I have the prescriptions for my blood pressure and migraines? Thanks a bunch. See ya next year and yada, yada, yada." Au Contraire. At that point of my visit she also prescribed a bone density test, then reeled me into shock when she picked up the phone and made both appointments for me. I was completely speechless. What kind of tom-foolery was going on?


Apparently, they are on to my modus operatus (or operendi or whatever). The Artful Dodger Of All Medical Appointments. I felt like Elaine on Seinfeld when all of the doctors in The City knew that she was a "difficult patient". Had they been secretly discussing my case behind my back? It was all too clear to me that they had. Evidently they care if I live or die, which I was kind of touched by.



So do I get the one that relays the message it isn't all that bad?









Or do I get the one that reminds me of my concept of Hell and appears to be somewhat invasive? Fine. A LOT invasive. *shiver* Wasn't this kind of stuff banned after concentration camps were closed? I mean, I'm just sayin'.

I want to scream "OUCH!" just looking at this picture, let alone picturing myself going through this kind of horror.


Hmmmmm..... Tough Decision. Egad! I feel faint.


Do I really want to see this? Yes, as opposed to looking at an unhealthy colon. But hey, a rose by any other name...




So, who's in with me on this? Who wants to get a colonoscopy when I do? Anyone? Hello? Is this thing on? Hello? Come on. We can blog about it. Really. It'll be fun! Hellooooo?