Snooty Shifts Into OCD Marathon Cleaner Mode... And The Weekly Maid Runs For Her Life

I don't know if any of you remember, but I told you before that I was once Lucille Ball's housekeeper when I still lived in Aspen. She loved me because I was the absolute best. Did I mention it helps to have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder? Well, it does. Apparently, I've had this disorder for most of my life. It makes some people crazy, but I must have certain things a particular way, which makes me fairly difficult to work for, I suppose. I have to make my own bed, top to bottom. You know. Because no one else can do it right. I have to cut my own hair, because no one else can do it right (even though 2 out of 5 times I cut it, it looks like holy crap, but I wouldn't dream of letting that deter me).


For instance... In my spice cabinet, all of the labels must face outward. Yes, I know. It's crazy. I used to always alphabetize my record albums too and went nuts if someone got them out of order. Other things I require aren't so sensible. All the glasses have to be placed in a certain pattern, which makes them look nicer. The coffee cups all have the handles turned outward so you can grab one by the handle. I like all the towels *just so*, in the cabinets and on the rack. In my closet, all of my clothes face the same direction, with pants in one section, skirts, jackets & tops in other sections. I used to redo friends closets just for the Hell of it. The list goes on....

Need I continue? I'm fairly certain you're seeing my point, even though I've never been diagnosed with OCD. I've shared many common signs and symptoms since I was a child. No need to pay for what I'm already aware of.


Which makes it all the more difficult to believe I let my office/den get to the point that it was the equivalent of a shopping cart lady or a bag lady. I'm serious. Some kind of crazy, hoarding pack rat. Once you let that shit creep up on you, I swear it's downhill after that. In my den I have my desk area, a long sofa, two club chairs, a cocktail table and a lamp table. No one has been able to enter my office/den in approximately 6 years because... well... they couldn't. This room was almost totally filled with treasures and junk alike. Like I've told you before, no one was ever allowed in here. Not because of privacy reasons. No. It was because this room and its condition... which embarrassed me to no end. It was almost like I was trying to hide an addiction or something even more sinister. I think there is also a wet bar that we haven't seen for quite a few years.


Today, I spent the ENTIRE DAY cleaning out my den/office. Make that an even 8 hours to transform the room from a total Black Hole, back into the den/office that it once was. I did it so that while the kids are home for Christmas, we can gather in the den to watch movies or chat, or both. I am totally dog-tired, but it feels so good to have this accomplished. At Thanksgiving, I told both children I was going to do this and they actually had the gall to laugh at me, saying "Yeah, right Mom! We haven't even SEEN that room since high school".


Well... Guess what, you nay saying children of mine? IT'S DONE! However, it's still mine, so ask before you enter. And, if you dare to leave any messes, I will have to extract your fingernails one at a time, with pliers. Any Questions? Got it? Good.


So, my maid that regularly comes on Wednesday had to come today instead. When she witnessed me in full-blown Marathon Cleaner Mode I thought she was going to implode. Seriously. She spent the morning just trying to avoid me. I suppose it may seem a bit overwhelming when viewing for the first time. Apparently. When she left after finishing her work, I swear she was practically running. Guess I won't be starting and operating that Maid Service anytime soon....