I've been gone most of the day today, then we went out to dinner at a favorite local eatery with our son (who's here until Sunday) and our two best *friend couples*. After dinner we went over to the Galveston friends' house for a while. I relayed the story from yesterday about my new (who knows? it may be one of the old ones) Troll and had them rolling on the floor. However, I didn't take any pictures or elaborate any further because I have lately sensed a bit of boredom when I talk about my blog. The Galveston friends read my blog on rare occasion, but both have very busy lives and are seldom online. The other couple doesn't know or care what my blog is, although I love them both. The wife doesn't even do email. *Sigh*
Driving home I began to think about how important you have all become to me in my everyday life. I checked my previous posts to be sure and discovered that I began this whole thing February 1, 2008. Since that date my life has changed drastically and much of that has had to do with all of you. I've been trying to think of a way to put this without sound all sappy, but alas, I can't. For nearly a year I have been baring my soul, sharing my childhood horrors, venting, and revealing stories of my life that I have never before told. I have read your own stories and posts and sharings of your lives, and I have been totally captivated and often amused by them all. If I were not enthralled or entertained, I wouldn't be *reading* you. I'm dead serious.
You, my blog friends, know me better than even my best friends, because you know my heart. You have read and commented on stories that not even my best friends want to hear (or have heard), and you have made my heart and my will and my inner strength more powerful than ever. I just don't think there is any way I can ever repay any of you and yet, I feel as if I owe you my very life. Do you have any idea how much you have all saved me on therapy? Good God! You've all saved me from being institutionalized (so to speak)!!!!
When my best friend died suddenly from complications with her diabetes in 2006, I kind of went into a depression of sorts, often not leaving the house for a week at a time. I lost touch with other
friends and acquaintances because I was totally into my grief. I wouldn't even answer the phone or the door when people called or came by. Her death shook me to my very core and I was totally lost without her. Suze was my lightning rod, my partner-in-crime, my grounding wire and so much more. I held her up while her son was deployed to Iraq and she held me up as I struggled to help my son through his addictions. We were best friends for 25 years. That's the longest amount of time I've ever had a best friend in my life. We loved each other like sisters and of course, we got mad at one another like sisters. There were times we didn't talk for weeks at a time for whatever reasons, but it was okay. We both knew it was and we were good with it. So, needless to say... I was a devastated mess for quite a while after her untimely death. She was only 50 years old. Her husband had moved on and was dating someone but I was still wallowing in my grief. It was a decidedly dark time for me, although I could usually put up a good front when I had to. I just couldn't do it for very long. I was still in so much pain. Those of you who grew up in *normal* homes (whatever that is) probably don't understand what it meant to me to finally have a friend for longer than a few years. It was a whole new experience for me. Then suddenly, Suze was just gone. Poof! Finis. History.
Then, in January of 2008 I bought a copy of MORE magazine and it changed my life. There was an article about women who blog, which reconnected me with a childhood friend, KK of Midlife Gals. I emailed her. She emailed me back. I said I loved her blog. She said I should try it, so I did. I have not yet regretted it. In fact, in spite of the sprinkling of nasty trolls, blogging has become a real treasure in my life. KK... I owe you a lot for your encouragement and support. KK knew Suze growing up and knew of her passing and she felt that I needed an outlet for my grief. KK... you have no idea what an explosion you created in me! In a good way, of course. I owe you so much more than a lunch of steak & frittes. I will make up for that sometime in the very near future, my friend.
Soooooooo... although none of you may know it, you have had a very profound and positive effect on the course that my life would eventually take. Nearly one year skipping down the yellow brick road and things are getting so much better. I will always miss my friend and sister-in-life, but you have all helped to ease my pain in more ways than I can ever express. You all have my undying devotion.
Thank You! From the deepest recesses of my heart I thank you with all I've got. I am your biggest and most loyal fan... all of you. And you can take that to the bank.
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