So, I would first like to present my side of the case. I am in full blown menopause. Day in and day out, I am tortured by the raging hormones in my body that cause extreme fluctuations in my body heat. In the summer I wear a swimsuit and pareo around the house, so that I can survive the damned heat. I'll be damned if I'm going to do the same during the winter months!
Unfortunately, my loving husband of thirty one years doesn't see things my way. What can I say? The man wears warm-up suits in 80 to 90 degree weather. You're welcome to do the math there.
When I found myself so sick last week, the war between us over the thermostat, hit a peak. All I can say is "Thank God we sleep in separate bedrooms". There I was, sick as could be, back in my bedroom, hanging out over the wastebasket, in all my misery. After Mr. Snoots went to bed I went to check the thermostat, which I set on 66 during the winter. Yes, that is why they make winter clothes. Right? It was still at my setting, so I went back to bed.
Before too long I began to sweat. I began to sweat a lot. I thought surely it must be the 350 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets, so I cast the bed covers to the side. I waited. And waited. Still, I was dying from the heat and decided it must be a particularly unusual hot flash and decided to roll with it. After thirty minutes of rolling with it had passed I started panicking, thinking this had to be the worst hot flash I've ever experienced.
Finally, I got up and went down the hall to check the thermostat. WHAT?!? It was set on 70 degrees, which might be nice under air conditioning, but it is living Hell under the heater. The Thermostat Gestapo had struck again! I mean, I was preparing to slice my wrists open, I was so miserable.
Rather than launch an all-out WWIII, I had a scathingly brilliant idea. I scurried along to the kitchen where I merrily grabbed the kitchen stool and a roll of duct tape. I went back to the bedroom and did my best to cover my heater vent with duct tape, with great success, I might add.I then returned the kitchen stool and the duct tape to the kitchen (you know, so I can find them again...) and on my way back down the hall to my bedroom, I turned the thermostat up to 75 degrees just for pure damn meanness. Hey - that's what I live with in the summertime.
I closed my door and in my lovely, cool room, I fell fast asleep and lived happily ever after. The moral to this story? I'd say that would be "Don't mess with a menopausal woman if you value comfort... or anything else."
Also, thanks to Jeri over at In The Gutter. I wasted the entire afternoon yesterday making this video through Office Max. Get your own Elf Yourself Video HERE.
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