Tuesday, December 23, 2008

'Twas The Night Before Christmas... Snooty Style

I wrote this last week and thought it was kind of fun...
'Twas the night before Christmas
When All through the house
Not a soul was stirring
Not even a grouch.
The stockings were hung
Where the fireplace should be
In hopes that St. Nicholas surely would see
The muffins we'd left for him with some hot tea.
The children were grown but asleep in their beds
As thoughts of free maid service danced about in their heads.
With Pappy in his room and I in mine
We had just polished off a good bottle of wine.
When up on the roof there arose such a fuss
As the noise tumbled, hit the proverbial dust
I leaped from my sleep with eyes open wide
And peeked out the window to see what was outside
The moon made the desert look covered in snow
And allowed me to see what had fallen below
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a big fat limo with my blog friends standing near.
The driver bore an uncanny resemblance
To a guy I once knew who had driven an ambulance.
More rapid than fruit flies, his vixens they came
As he whistled & coaxed them & called them by name.
On Tammy, On Lauren, On Jeri & Treasia!
On Diane, On Janie, On Cathy & Felicia!
To the top of the porch, bouncing off of the walls,
Now dance away, dance away, dance away all!
As dry skin that past forty will certainly fly
When met with an obstacle like waddles or eyes.
So off to the week-long spa we soon flew
With a limo full of Botox and St. Nicholas too.
And then through giggling I heard them all shout
"Get your ass down here, Snooty. We're all going out."
As I drew in my hand and was turning around
I noticed a lasso that St. Nick had thrown down.
"Grab on and hold tight" I heard him cry
So, I squeezed my eyes closed & held on for dear life.
When at last I was out with nary a tether
I realized my friends were all talking on Twitter.
Santa had a broad face and long tall legs
With a cowboy hat sitting on top of his head.
This can't be an elf, my friends & I said.
"I'm Santa's first helper" the driver said then
Stroking the hair on his chinny chin chin.
I'm here to take you and make you anew
It's what you wished for, every one of you.
He spoke not a word as we flew through the night
We twisted and turned and then took a right.
He soon dropped us off at The Golden Door spa
Where we all giggled and Ooo'd and Ahhhh'd.
With a wink and a nod, off he flew in a flash
Saying "Don't worry ladies, you won't need any cash!"
And in the distance we could just barely hear
As he wished us "Merry Cristmas and Happy New Year"!
Could this be the new face of Santa? Mmmrrrrowwww!


imbeingheldhostage said...

I will definitely be sitting on Santas's lap this year if it is!!!

The limo is here to get me, so I can't stay and chat,
but I wanted to let you know,
I was so impressed with that!
Thanks for taking me out on the getaway!!!

Happy Christmas!!!

Anonymous said...

Can this be believed? I've been taken to a spa?
After all this cold weather my hands are just raw!
So thanks my friend Snooty and Santa's first elf!
A massage and some wine and I'll feel like myself!


scargosun said...

I just love this. Merry Christmas!

Janie said...

Shut. Up.

I've never been so surprised in my life!

Santa is Pierce?

Be still my heart!

Love your poem - and I'd go to the spa with you anyday, Botox or no!!

Merry Christmas to you and yours, Snooty, with lots of love.

QueenofPlanetHotflash said...

woooohhhooooo Pierce sexxxxxyyyy

Wonderful Poem Snooty!!!
Merry Christmas and blessings for you and yours

noble pig said...

I've always wabted to be a reindeer! Ha!

jill jill bo bill said...


Mental P Mama said...

Oh! My Herbal Wrap is just starting to do its magic! Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Flea said...

Mmmrrrowwww indeed! Santa's gorgeous!

Treasia said...

A spa treatment? Snooty my eyes are teared over and my heart is full. Honey, I'd go with you whether there is botox or not. We could all wear our cute little red hats while there. Ha Ha.

Living on the Spit said...

This poem was fabulous and very creative...

I too would go with you any day...and Pierce is Santa. he can fill my stocking anytime...yumm-O

Merry Christmas!


BJ Roan said...

If this is what Santa looks like, I'm waiting up on him next year! Loved the poem! :)


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