Wednesday, January 14, 2009

A Birthday To Remember....Crossing The Threshold Of 40

First of all, when I was young I thought no one over forty could be trusted and was sure I'd never make it to that landmark birthday. Seriously. Then one day, I turned 40.

My friends had planned ahead of time for this hallmark event in my life by setting up a luncheon, and I was actually thinking that it was going to be a great birthday. Until I got up at 3:00 AM that morning to find my son vomiting hurling his dinner all over himself and his bed. He was so sick! So, I followed the normal procedures to insure he didn't do it again, especially after having changed the sheets & his jammies. I placed a wastebasket by the side of his bed and told him he should use it next time, then come get me.

I went back to bed for about an hour, then we went through the whole rigmarole again at 4:00 AM. If you have kids, then you know the drill.

By morning, he still had a fever so I made him stay home from school. I quickly called someone to babysit for a couple of hours at lunch and she said that she'd be there. I got our daughter off to school after trading carpool days with one of the other moms. Things were really beginning to look up so I started getting ready to go to my birthday lunch.

While I was putting on my makeup, sick boy came in and said his rabbit had gotten out of the cage again and was missing. I said, "No problem. He's around somewhere. We'll find him". When I finished with my makeup, I began helping him look for the rabbit when the phone rang.

It was the sitter saying that she couldn't come. Her child had been sent home from school sick. I was less than thrilled, but dealt with it by frantically calling other sitters. No one was available. So, I called the lunch friends and told them we'd have to cancel. Yada Yada Yada...

Meanwhile... the rabbit was still missing and sick boy was still hounding me about finding it. I finally just told him to go back to bed and I would find the rabbit. Since I wasn't going anywhere anyway, I began an intensive search for said rabbit, going room-by-room and closing doors. I was looking in son's room, and then entered his bathroom, and eventually his shower/commode room. The toilet seat was up and at first glance, I yelled "Okay, who didn't flush the toi..............." My first thought was that there was a turd floating in the bowl, then I realized it was sadly, the rabbit. The dead-beyond-revival rabbit. I guess he was thirsty, although no longer.

I know this is horrible, but I started laughing. I think my laughter must have sounded a bit cuckoo because the next thing I knew, sick boy was standing next to me, staring at the horror in the toilet bowl. "Mom, is my rabbit dead?" I said "Yes honey, I'm afraid he is. It looks as though he jumped in and just couldn't get out". (I purposely didn't mention that I had told him repeatedly to keep his toilet seat closed because of the rabbit.) Then he asked "So why are you laughing?" Being the perfect mom that I am I said, "No, I'm upset and crying", as I tried to make my laughter sound like crying. He wasn't fooled. He turned and went back to his sick bed a very somber boy. So, I joined him at his bed and together, we read The Velveteen Rabbit for the gazillionth time. When we finished the story he said "Maybe Torry (the rabbit) has gone back to being a toy rabbit......... So, when can I get a new one?" Kids are so resilient, aren't they? The next day we had a funeral for the rabbit and buried him in the garden.

Next, it was time for the daughter to arrive home and I was going to have to drop her off at a birthday party that was being held at a hotel. I could not leave sick boy at home alone, so we all piled into the car and off we went. I had to walk her in to the party, so I left the car running and told sick boy to stay put.

As usual, someone started talking to me and I guess about 5 or 10 minutes had passed. Next thing I know, here comes sick boy in his Spiderman jammies and fuzzy Batman slippers. "I thought I told you to stay in the car!" to which he replied "Don't worry Mom, I locked the car." Great! Now, my keys were locked in the car, which was still running. It was at least 45 minutes before we got out of there and I was due to come back to pick the daughter up in about another hour.

I called Mr. Snoots at his office to see if he could pick her up from the party, but he was going to have drinks after work with some friends. How nice for him. I was starting to get pissy at this point and hung up on him. I once again loaded sick boy into the car and we went to fetch his sister while their father was having drinks and speaking adult language with his friends.

That night, rather than going out to dinner, we decided to order some carryout. Guess who had the privilege of going out to get the food? Yes, it was moi. I was actually almost thrilled with the prospect of getting out alone, even if it was only for 15 minutes.

Now, here's where I show how much class I have. When I picked the food up and got it back to the car, I opened his carton and spit a big ole loogie onto his steak and rubbed it in, then turned it over. It was the least I could do. It was my birthday, after all.... I know. I'm evil. Wicked even.

Okay. Fine. I confess. I didn't do anything to his food. I just thought it sounded funnier that way. To those who have a sense of humor anyway. I thought about it though. Does that count?

18 comments:

brneyedgal967 said...

Bwahahahah - does Mr. Snooty read your blog? Or have you already confessed to him?

That's hilarious -and might I add, a really sucky birthday.

Treasia said...

What a crappy 40th birthday. Or any birthday for that matter. However it's one you've remembered from beginning to end. LOL.

Snooty Primadona said...

Tammy: Yes, he does read my blog & is probably going to be severely pissed off. He'll get over it. Eventually.

Treasia: In fact it's the only birthday that really sticks in my mind, lol.

Pleasing Procrasinator said...

Bwhaha...I kept reading waiting for you to say he miraculously pulled something together for you. Sounds like something Cookie would do.
Have you fessed up to this or does he read your blog? Or wait, is this his surprise:)

Flea said...

On your 40th, no less! I'm so sorry. What a sucky landmark birthday.

My senior year in high school, I lost a mocking bird to the toilet. I didn't laugh. But everyone else did.

Living on the Spit said...

I would have done something similar or just had forgotten to get HIS food...that was a great story...

Love ya,

Marlene

thevinylvillage said...

you spitting a loogy is not nearly so unforgivable as him going out for drinks with the boys on YOUR milestone birthday. And you can tell him I said so if he gets pissed.

Im wondering just how many people can honestly say theyve found a rabbit in their toilet?

The Incredible Woody said...

Note to self: Always put Snooty's feelings first!!

Mental P Mama said...

I am still feeling my blood pressure rise at the thought of Mr. Snoot going out for drinks on your 40th. WTF?

Snooty Primadona said...

Hey, it took a looooong time to train that man. When I got engaged to him, his parents were in total shock. They thought he'd never get married... That should have been my first sign, lol. But, he's turned out pretty good after 31 years of intensive training...

Holy Crappers said...

Love it Snoots!!

You could also clean the toilet with someone's toothbrush,,,,just saying.

#1

Far From Perfect said...

Ok-this is one of the funniest post I've read in a long time. Glad I clicked my way to you???

Too funny! I would of done the same. QP

Rickrack and Pompoms said...

Great story, what a crappy birthday!

Heather said...

Snooty, you know proper recourse! My last birthday I was pulled off the course for my "birthday 18" to find out my son had broken his arm. I wish I could blame Hubbie, but he was with me.

Still, he just got home (almost 8:30pm)in a practical blizzard because he met the boys for a cigar. HELP!

noble pig said...

OMG you are so crazy, I would have been pissed too! OMG, are you going to hear the wrath. I am laughing so hard though eeeh gads.

Mariah said...

I would have been pissed- but hey, it's a birthday you won't forget right?

Buddha's Place said...

Your so bad, your my kind of woman!

imbeingheldhostage said...

OMGosh, I bow to you, oh Mom of Moms. Holy cow what a way to ring in such a milestone. I'm wondering now if any birthdays ever could compare to that one?

And the spit? I was mortified and wickedly happy at the same time-- not about Mr Snooty, because you remember I love him, he's my hero for giving his car away, but maybe for some other insensitive man I know....

 

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