Friday, February 13, 2009

So... You Think You Want To Date Our Daughter

In honor of Valentine's Day I thought I would share with you the application for dating our daughter. Mr. Snooty and several other Dads came up with this back when our children first began dating in high school. Now, before any of you who take things too seriously start to throw fits, I'm telling you ahead of time that this was written in fun only. It. Is. A. Joke. So, don't get your feathers ruffled, okay? It's only meant to have fun with. You should have seen the look on our daughter's face the first time we told her any boy she wanted to go out with, would have to fill this out. It was priceless.

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE OUR DAUGHTER

Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, family lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.


1. NAME:______________________________ DATE OF BIRTH:_______________

2. HEIGHT: ____________ WEIGHT: _________ I.Q.: _____ G.P.A.: ________

3. Social Security #: _______________ Drivers License #: ______________________

4. Boy Scout Rank: ____________________________

5. Home Address: __________________________ State: ________ Zip: ____________

6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent? _________________________

If no, Explain: _________________________________________________________

7. Number of years parents married: _______________

8. Do you own a van? _______ A truck with oversize tires? ______ A waterbed? ______

Have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? _______

(If YES is answer to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises.)

9. In 50 words or less please explain what the word "LATE" means to you. _______________________________________________________________________

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

10. Church You Attend? _______________________________________

11. When can I interview your Father? ____________________________

12. Answer by filling in the blanks. Please answer freely as all answers are confidential.

(That means I won't tell anyone.)

A. If I were shot, the Last Place on My Body I would want to be wounded is the _____________________________________.

B. If I Were Beaten, The Last Bone I Would Want Broken Is ________________.

C. A Woman's Place Is In The _____________________________.

D. The One Thing I Hope This Application Does Not Ask About Me Is ________________________________________________________

E. When I First Meet A Girl, The Thing I notice About Her First is ___________.

(Note: If Answer E Begins With a T or B discontinue and leave premises.)

F. What do you want to be IF you grow up? _____________________________


I SWEAR THAT ALL OF THE ABOVE INFORMATION I HAVE SUPPLIED IS TRUE, TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH OR DISMEMBERMENT.



__________________________________
SIGNATURE (that means your name)

19 comments:

noble pig said...

The last lace I want to be shot? OMG I laughed out loud!

Treasia said...

I loved this Snooty. How funny and almost exactly what your actually thinking at the time. LOL.

We added an additional few on ours. Our main one was: Do you pull up and honk for her to come out to you? or do you politely knock on the door and wait inside for her to finish getting ready? If you chose honk, back right on out of our driveway and be prepared for Trucker to blast at least one gun shot into the air. don't bother returning. LOL. I thought Princess would die after hearing that one.

TSannie said...

That's too funny! Those dads are one creative group!

Snooty Primadona said...

Yes, we traumatized all of our daughters, lol. Treasia, that is hilarious. Mr. Snoots used to sit & give them the evil eye, barely speaking to any of her dates. The only guy he ever liked was going into the Army & being transferred to Germany. Nothing better than an absent boyfriend.

The Incredible Woody said...

Vol Fan always planned to either be cleaning a gun or show the boys his gun collection and let slip the story of how her last date had ended up in the hospital....

The wife said...

I love the application! I don't think this has to be a joke, but the real deal!! It would only take a few guys having to fill it out before word would spread like wildfire as to what your expectations are for your daughter, hence eliminating half the playing field before you ever have to deal with them.

Heather said...

SO glad I won't have to reinvent the wheel on this one. Hubbie will love it. His favorite line for dating is actually from the movie Clueless. "Anything happens to my daughter, I got a .45 and a shovel, I doubt anybody would miss you." HA! It. Is. A. JOKE!!!

Pearls To Hide My Neck said...

I LOVE IT!!!! LB so would have flunked this app!

snooty daughter said...

It was really fun the time he slammed the front door in my boyfriend's face, or the many dinners he basically refused to talk at because the new guy I was dating at the time was eating with us haha. Oooooh good times.

Mental P Mama said...

Okay, I can say this because I have family in Texas. But that is a totally TEXAS questionnaire;)

brneyedgal967 said...

I LOVE IT! Kiss Mr. Snooty for me - this will be put to good use.

Laughed my ass off at the "last place you want to be shot?" Oh My Gawd -- good, good, stuff.

J'Ollie Primitives said...

LOL at "the last place you want to be shot" ~ Answer would be "In your front yard, sir"

numberonesistah said...

LOL! That is awesome! My dad was much less subtle than that. He'd sit in the front room and clean his shotgun while someone was picking us up. That seemed to do the trick (unfortunately)!

Snooty Primadona said...

Woody: You crack me up.

the wife: Don't I know it!

Heather: Yup, we always liked that one too.

Pearls: You know he'd never have gotten a chance, lol. However, that certainly was a learning experience for your daughter. Hard lessons are always the ones best learned.

Dearest Daughter: I know all too well, but a jog of the memory helps now & then, lol.

Tammy: I know. Tell Monkey Girl I'm sorry ahead of time. ;-)

J'Ollie: That cracked both of us up! I'm still laughing...

#1 sistah: God, is that what it was like to have a Dad? I never had anyone trying to protect me except the nuns. ;-)

Hey - Anyone who needs it, please feel free to copy it. We've passed it around for years & years. All in the interest of making our children miserable, of course. It does need some updating.

imom said...

Great stuff! I'm going to print it out and tell Dancing Daughter we will be using it with potential boyfriends! LOL! She'll love that.

Janie said...

God, Snooty, this is FUNNY!

Living on the Spit said...

This is so halarious and unfortunately, so needed!!!

Philly said...

Why is it they always bring home the ones we hate? And the ones we like? Those poor slobs are long for the relationship.
Printing this out as I type.

#1

miss amy said...

This is too funny!

Amy

 

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