Thursday, April 23, 2009

Keeping It Real... Hobbitt Feet Minus The Hair... I'm Just Saying














Yes, I know you see the resemblance. How could you possibly help but see? I've been embarrassed by my ugly feet my entire life, but once I hit my 50's I really quit caring how they look to others, so I wear what I want now. People can stare at me all they want and I just give them a wink. That always gets them!



Yesterday I was over at imom's blog (Delusions Of Everything) and she had been talking about everyone on her weekend trip doing pedicures and manicures, then showed some pictures of some of the feet in the process. I just happened to comment on how pretty her feet are and what I'd give to have pretty feet instead of these hairless Hobbit Feet that I have. She wrote me back to say those weren't her feet and that she had Hobbit Feet too, which cracked me up.


That's when we decided to both blog about it today as kind of Dueling Hobbit Feet. My guess is that she's going to feel ever so much better about her own feet after this post. I seek to make others feel better whenever I possibly can.


Truthfully, I was born with the flattest feet known to mankind. I've never met anyone whose feet are as flat mine, nor have I ever seen anyone with feet flatter than mine. I basically walk around on my ankles all the time. It doesn't really hurt unless I've been walking on a sandy beach, which hurts most everyone that's not used to it.


My mother (The Brown Recluse) was so horrified by this imperfection that she actually told me that I'd had Polio when I was a baby and that I was lucky to even be walking without leg braces. Many years later, my paternal grandparents and my Dad told me none of that was true. There is no medical record of it and many other family members supported the fact that it wasn't true.


I was simply born with flat feet, or as they so kindly refer to it these days, flexible arches. They are not so *flexible* as that title would have you think. I mean, I can bend them into an arch if I pull really hard on them, but they always go back to flat. Actually, I think they snap back more than anything.


I normally try to hide them with shoes but that becomes a bit difficult in the summer months when I wear nothing but sandals. They stick out like... well, big old flat feet, with the left foot being the worst of the two. Yeah. They don't even match. One is as flat as a pancake and the other is only semi-flat. I think I willed the right foot to not be so flat. I swear! However, over the years, the left (flatter foot) has begun to look almost deformed and there is just no hiding it as well as I used to.
The right foot is around an inch shorter because it's the foot that I had a Bunionectomy on. They remove the one inch section of awkwardly curved bone during surgery, which results in the shortened length.

The worst part of all is that I have a huge passion for shoes that I can't have because my flat feet make them *boat out* in the middle, among other things. I also can't wear cheap shoes because they never fit right. When you have pretty feet, you can wear just about any kind of shoes you want. Not so, with Hobbit Feet. I like being barefoot more than anything. Almost like the fictional Hobbits!

So, you think I'm exaggerating. Then get a load of these pictures. Oh and don't the spider veins add a little something to my feet? I think I'm like the poster child for how you don't want your feet to look at 56 years old. And don't even get me started about the web toes on my right foot. My doctor says the spider veins were actually caused by the stress that my feet receive on a daily basis.
However, I've always been an excellent swimmer since I have my very own built-in fins. There had to be at least one perk to being cursed with flat feet. Right?

You can just barely see the scar on my right foot, from having the bunion removed. Yup. I'm a real natural beauty alright. Just ask me...

18 comments:

Staci said...

Remember that last line in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, the last movie, whatever it was - the King said to the hobbitts "You bow to no one" and then he bowed to them. Long live hobbitt feet!

As a footnote (haha) my feet have arches, but I believe your feet are prettier than mine!

Far From Perfect said...

feet crack me up- after 30 years of tennis & running I finally have ALLmy toenails back. I would lose my big nail all the time...so I would paint a nail on the skin. NOT pretty. My son has the most beautiful feet(if there is such a thing) and my daughters look like Fred Flintstone.

The Incredible Woody said...

You do have some seriously flat feet but I wouldn't call them hobbitt feet. You know who has hobbitt feet? Lara Flynn Boyle. Google her feet. There is a picture of her barefoot in a black dress on the red carpet. Check it out. Freaky!

Shawn said...

Bwahahahahaha! Umm, yep, ugly feet but I'm glad you have grown to accept them.

I still want to get together and we'll put our feet up and have a drink to 'em!

Mental P Mama said...

And I have the exact opposite feet--my arches are so high that my wet prints are toes and heels. Oh, but I have some of those pretty veins, too.

brneyedgal967 said...

Snooty! I apologize for my absence... I haven't been faithfully reading yours or anyone elses for a couple of weeks.

The feet brought me back. I'm fascinated by other people's feet. Monkey Girl also have flat feet... as monkey's do. She's also got what's called an accessory navicular bone which is an EXTRA bone that sticks out on the inside of her feet - you think your feet are ugly? I should post some of hers and yeah, she has major shoe issues and was told she shouldn't ever wear high heels. Ever.

Hugs to you. Meeting my friend at the funeral home in an hour so it's going to be a rough day. But I'm here to provide comedic relief for her. I've cried my tears and now I've got a job to do.

Snooty Primadona said...

Staci: Okay, I'm going to need pictures...

Far From Perfect: I've gotten toe fungus & lost my big toenail so many times & I used to do the same thing... just paint a nail on with polish.

Woody: OMG! That is absolutely hysterical. Thanks! I feel so much better... At least I don't have a big ole forefinger for my big toe.

imom said...

Ummm.. Yeah, I think your feet might be more Hobbity than mine. You have the space between the big toe going, just like in the Hobbit photo! I don't have that, but my feet are almost square when I'm standing!

This was fun! I wonder what body part we can compare next?! ;)

Snooty Primadona said...

Maybe... the mind. I always laugh when I think about the Frank Zappa song "What Is The Ugliest Part Of Your Body". It says "Some say your toes, some say your nose, but I think it's your mi-i-ind".

noble pig said...

I am just cracking up. Maybe you start a new series, body part Friday or show it off Sunday!

My oldest boy has flat feet, it runs in my family but I have very high arches! We're all perfect though.

Midlife, menopause, mistakes and random stuff... said...

Hey Snootster!! Who the hell's feet are those?????? I saw it's Bigfoot girl. Hobbits are cuter than that......aren't they?? I dunno.
I think you feet look nice, but I've been drinking Bloody Mary's which I feel are good for you because tomatoes have Lycopene in them. Sorry I'm so behind on my commenting........I've been slammed but have been reading :)
Hey, I'm going to be a Grandma....and it better call me GiGi or I'm gonna be ticked.
I wasn't ready yet friend but am excited nonetheless........I think.....

Steady On
Reggie Girl

TSannie said...

I have never seen a pretty foot. Ever. Of course, that could be because I don't really like them.

Treasia said...

Snooty they are not hairy which is a really good thing. Happy you have learned to accept them over the years. Mine are the exact opposite. My arches are so high like Lauren said a wet footprint is nothing but toes and heel. Plus they are so narrow I need a very narrow shoe.

Philly said...

I think feet in general are just plain ugle Snoots Just got to get the pedicures and pretty shoes to make them look good!

Great post

#1

Asthmagirl said...

You win, Snooty! Your feet are more hobbity than iMom's!

As a former nail technician, I have to say that other than the flatness, your feet are still pretty nice!

I've worked on some pretty bad feet in my life. I'd have been happy to sit down to yours!

Betty said...

When I was a teenager, my friends and I would kick off our shoes the minute we got inside anywhere, except for one friend. We finally asked her why, and she explained that she had flat feet and that we would laugh. We swore we wouldn't, so she took off her shoes. And, we did. I've felt bad about that ever since.

I think hers were actually flatter than yours.

Snooty Primadona said...

One time I went to Cozumel, Mexico with some girlfriends and we met some fun people who had a yacht & invited us out for the day to snorkle & party. When they started handing out snorkels & fins one guy looked @ my feet and yelled "Hey, this girl doesn't get any fins. Her feet are flat enough already!" Luckily, I'd had a couple of drinks & laughed along with everyone else. He was right... I didn't need them, lol.

Mariah said...

Feet are weird. Yours are flat indeed but mine are like freakish looking with my high arch. We need to find a middle...

 

Blog Designed by: NW Designs