Saturday, April 18, 2009

Keeping It Real... My Husband Sleepwalks And It's Not Funny, So Don't Laugh!

Yes, this is my cross to bear. I have a husband that sleepwalks. This has been going on for roughly 20 to 25 years, so I'm beginning to feel like his damn nanny.



When this whole series of fiascos first began, we were at the lake house for the summer and had invited my best friend (the one who died a few years ago), her husband, and their son, who was the same age as my son, down for a week.

We gave Suze and her hubby the best of the three guestrooms, the boys slept in one, our daughter in another one, and we slept in our room. Supposedly.

Everyone slept with their doors closed because even back then it was a well known fact that Mr. Snoots rose before dawn, watching TV, and cooking bacon for the morning's breakfast. You know. Mr. Snoots went to bed before everyone else, at 8:30 PM, come hell or high water. He went to bed even before the children did. (So, sue me. It was summer for crying out loud!)

We would usually stay up late, sitting outside on the patio, drinking, telling stories, laughing, and watching the moonlight on the lake, while the children did whatever it is children do during summers at the lake house. So, not wanting to be awakened at dawn by Mr. Snoots, we each closed our door, often sticking a towel underneath for good measure.

This one particular morning, I was unable to sleep due to the pungent aroma of bacon cooking, so I gave up on sleep. I dressed and went out to greet the hubby along with the approaching daylight, in not so great a mood.

As I sat at the dining table reading the paper, Mr. Snoots came over and sat down with a rather troubled furrow on his brow. After listening to his screaming silence, I finally said "Okay. WHAT?" In hushed tones, he said "I think I sleepwalked into Frank and Susan's room last night, because that's where I woke up this morning at like 4:00 AM." All of the bedrooms had two double beds except for the room our daughter was sleeping in currently. Therefore, I nonchalantly asked, "So, what's your point?" "I think I went in and went to sleep in Susan's bed," he replied. Oh my! Then we both started giggling uncontrollably.

I told him he was probably just dreaming that, but he was insistent that it had happened and was clearly mortified by his actions. I told him to just forget about unless something was brought up later on.

Once everyone had gotten up and dressed, we all had breakfast together at the dining table. As we were all sitting there enjoying our wonderful breakfasts courtesy of Mr. Snoots, Susan began to relay her weird dream of the night before to us.

She said "I had the weirdest dream last night that Mr. Snooty came and slept in my bed with me." Good secret keeper and wife that I am, I completely burst into uncontrollable, hysterical laughter, which was greeted by quizzical glares from our lovely guests.

The Mr. was looking at me as if I was spawned from Hell, but I proceeded to spill the beans right then and there. I've never been much of a secret keeper, which is well known to all those who are close to me. I like things to be up front and *in your face*, so to speak. I'm just a lousy liar. Period.

Anyway, after their initial shock, we all had a huge laugh over it and it continued to be a great source of laughter throughout their stay. We jumped at any opportunity to joke about it over the remaining days, at poor Mr. Snoots' expense.

But, after that first night, I took to tying Mr. Snooty to the bedpost every night (at his request, okay?) hoping to nip his midnight ramblings in the bud. However, every morning when we got up, he was miraculously untied. Houdini himself would have found the task of escaping my knots daunting, but Mr. Snooty did not. Every night he was somehow able (in his sleepy stupor) to set himself free. After that, it was my life challenge to try and contain him.

It was just the beginning of many years of trying to keep him in bed at night, away from wandering into walls and other such things… like the street.

To be continued….

20 comments:

T said...

O M G!

I'm warring with being completely horrified for you and wanting to laugh my ass off!

Heather said...

You did not seriously tie Mr. Snoots to the bed? Of course you did. That is absolutely hilarious.

Golfing Son sleepwalks. It really is scary. Sometimes he is screaming and ranting in his sleep, then all of the sudden he just falls back into bed all peaceful like.

I still keep a baby gate at the top of the stairs because I'm worried he will fall down them in his sleep. If Mr. Snoots can untie himself, I'm guessing GS could move a gate.

Love the lake photos BTW!

Staci said...

I feel exactly like "T"; I'm not exactly certain how to react! Bwahhahahaaa!

SJN said...

so sorry... I couldn't hold it in when I read the part about her dream and you lol.
I'm in suspense for the "to be cont'd" part...

BTW congrats on the 97! That's great! I was so close to breaking 50 last week but then I fell apart on the last hole, and shot a 50, again! Someday it will happen.

Snooty Primadona said...

SJN: My low scores are so few and far between that it's almost depressing, lol. But, yesterday I shot a 48 on the front and a 49 on the back. I suppose it will be a while before I can do it again. Must be my lot in life...

The Incredible Woody said...

I am on the edge of my seat - I can't wait to hear more!!

Living on the Spit said...

I love your stories, but please tell Mr. Snoots that we still love him despite his late night cruising.

Mental P Mama said...

I am trying not to laugh, but the Houdini reference has undone me. Sorry.

Treasia said...

I'm torn between laughter and feeling sorry for Mr. Snoots. Looking forward to reading more of it.

When my son was about 3 or so he started sleepwalking as well. Once we woke up hearing our front door opening. Hubby walked down the hall and discovered son on the front porch just staring off into the sky. Another time we woke up and found where he had set the living room on fire. Our carpet had a huge black burn spot and burned papers were all over the room. He was back in bed with a couple of tiny little burn holes in his pj's. Thank god for flame retardant pajamas.

We ended up locking him in his room at night for a year. We knew of nothing else to do. Of course we would hear him if he woke up and tried to get out or needed to go to the bathroom.

Keeper Of All Things said...

OMG thats to funny.........
Does he do any other tricks in his sleep.........besides crawling in bed with your friends???
LOL
Cause if he cleans in his sleep .....You can always stay at my house!!

Flea said...

Omigoodness! My Maybelline sleep walks. I hear it's your subconscious working out the stuff from your day. Scary movie!

Daryl said...

Oh Snooty that is not funny but I did sort of snicker ... Poor Mr Snooty ... I think I might have put a lock on the door and hid the key .. cant wait to hesr what you did .. after you gave up the bondage, er, tie down

Patricia said...

A funny incident like that would make a weekend at the lake house even more fun, IMO.

Hey, Congratulations on your low score!!!! I'm really, really determined to break 100 this season. Got really close last year.

Snooty Primadona said...

Patricia: It's like 2 steps forward & 5 steps back, lol. They keep telling me that it will eventually stay with me, but Gah! I just want to know when! Good luck to you....

Nola said...

Hi, found you via a comment via another comment....you know how it is:) I have read back over some of your old posts and have thoroughly enjoyed the read!! I love your blog.
My sister and I used to share a room when children and she would fall asleep with her eyes open...it would totally freak me out and I would have to get out of bed and go over to her and push them closed! lol

Shawn said...

I'm so excited....I can't WAIT for poor Mr. Snooty stories! Woohoo!

This is gonna be AWESOME!

Blarney said...

I have a brother who sleepwalks ... some scarey shit ... we'd always find him in front of the refidge with the door open.
Hope you had a great weekend!

imom said...

I feel kinda bad at being so entertained at Mr. Snooty's expense, but only a little bit! *snicker* I can't wait to hear more!

The wife said...

Part of me wants to fall into hysterics and the other is completely terrified for you.

Thank you for your last comment on my blog. I actually did think that I was in the early phases of menopause to be honest. I knew something hormonal was going on...I just didn't know what!

TSannie said...

A good read in the making..now on to part 2.

 

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