Whoa There... Just Where Do You Think You're Going? Sleepwalking Part 2

Mr. Snooty's sleepwalking became so bad at the lake house that we had to tell guests to be sure and lock their doors at night. Oh yeah, that was a fun detail believe me. The Zombie had proven time and again that he could pull his Houdini act with our locked bedroom door or being delimitated to the bedpost, or both. So, my only choice was to inform our guests ahead of time. Trust me. They appreciated it. I was able to keep him from going outside by locking the deadbolt on the front door and putting the key in my purse. I had to get a bit more inventive with the sliding glass doors, of which there were two. I finally found a couple of old brooms, which I sawed off and stuck down in the bottom. That seemed to work, which gave me a much more peaceful sleep.

After our children were gone from home, Mr. Snooty got worse with the sleepwalking thing. Since I was accustomed to staying up late during the children's teenage years, I suppose it stuck with me. I'm still a dedicated late night owl, which is probably a good thing. Someone needs to watch over the Zombie… ahem! I mean Mr. Snoots. However, he does often resemble a zombie when he's sleepwalking. His eyes are at half-mast and even seem to be glazed over, in a creepy 'Night of The Living Dead' sort of way.

I can't begin to tell you how many times I've been sitting at the computer at midnight when I hear the hall door open, which leads to the area of the house where all four bedrooms are. There he stands, after bumping hard into a couple of walls or bouncing off both sides of the doorframe. I've often asked him where he thinks he's going and he answers with a number of replies. "I'm going to the bathroom" as he heads to the living room. Ummm… no bathroom in there, babe. Then, I gently glide him back through the hall door, toward the guest bathroom, as I hope for the best. I don't want to awaken him, but I also don't want him to use the living room carpet for this activity.

Occasionally, he comes bouncing through the door like a ball in a pinball machine and says, "I'm going outside", which always strikes fear in my heart. I mean he's naked for Heaven's sake. I can't have the neighbors by chance lay witness to that, can I? And yes, he can unlock doors and pull them open in his sleepwalking stupor. I can't help but wonder if he intends to go outside and clean up that pile of yard debris that's been sitting in the same place for 6 months, in all his lovely nakedness. Probably not, but I always wonder.

Sometimes, I find him gone from his bed, so I go in search of him in order to get him back where he belongs. Or when I wake up in the morning, I pass one of the kids' rooms, only to discover an unmade bed. The Zombie strikes again!

Call me mean hearted if you wish, but I cannot help but break into unbridled laughter when I hear loud, ear bursting thuds as he falls out of his bed. I always know he'll be surging through the hall door next, and I brace myself.

Just last night I was up late playing (free) poker at Poker Stars, as I often do when I'm unable to find slumber. I heard the noisy triple thud signaling his fall that is always the precursor to the appearance of the Zombie. As predicted, he appeared at the hall door several moments later. When I inquired as to where he thought he was going he replied "Outside, to the bathroom". I thought, "Not on MY flowers, you're not" as I raced after him to intercede. In mid dash, it was too late before I realized he had done an about face, and I ran smack dab into him. Believe it or not, it didn't wake him.

I guess I don't have to worry about that whole waking him up issue any more.

To Be Continued....