Happy Father's Day?

My husband never really wants anything for birthdays or Father's Day. When he does want something he just goes out and buys it, which makes it difficult to buy him anything. Ever.

So, last year I decided I would wash the exterior and detail the inside of his car. You know, because he washes his car maybe five times per year... and never gets it detailed. Great idea, right? Obviously, it's something very important to him (or not).

The day before Father's Day I told him I needed his Lexus to go to a luncheon and that he needed to drive our old Suburban for the day. He couldn't take my Sequoia because (I told him) it was almost out of gas. Okay, white lies in place, he left for the office and I got started on my project.

I spent the entire day sweating like Miss Piggy as I vacuumed, scrubbed, polished and shined his lovely little Lexus. He has been known to call it his little *cream puff*. Once my job was done, I inspected my fine work and was satisfied that I had done as good a job as any professional could have. I was happily exhausted.

Then I remembered that I had a 3:00 PM appointment with the doctor and if I didn't hurry, I was going to miss that appointment. I quickly ran inside, changed clothes, grabbed my purse and raced back outside to my car (the Sequoia). I started my engine and backed out of the carport with time clearly the only thing on my mind as I swiftly backed into the driver's side of his Lexus. Oops!

After my doctor's appointment, I had the dubious honor of spending a great deal of time on the phone with the insurance company. As polite as they were, it wasn't in the least bit fun.

Needless to say, he wasn't thrilled with the final outcome. Gee honey, look what I did to your car! Oh. Well. Happy Father's Day anyway! I guess it will be the year he remembers most vividly... Argh.

I think that this year I shall give him the gift that keeps on giving (no, not another dent in his car)... A subscription to the Dollar Shave Club. He's going to love it! It's a new web site that offers men a monthly new razor at rock bottom prices, often saving the consumer up to $100.00 a year. What man doesn't love to save money? I just loved their promotional video. Funny, funny.

I Know You're Not My Father, But You Are The Father of My Children...

Mr. Snooty and I will have been married for 31 years this year, but for the first six years of marriage we did nothing but have fun playing golf and traveling around to see friends. We sort of wanted /planned to have children but we were young and thought we had all the time in the world. I had a total of 3 miscarriages in this those first six years and they were each a devastating blow to me. I truly thought that I might never have children and having come to terms with that, I of course, became pregnant again almost immediately. I had our son when I was 31 and our daughter when I was 33.

I always suspected that Mr. Snooty would be a devoted father, but it didn't come to be right away. I think it's often like that with husbands. Even at the birth of their children they still think they can remain the same as they always have been. How very foolish of them. Silly Rabbits. Then, over time, they realize that there are these little people they have co-created, and who deeply love them & truly need them. At this point, for some inane reason, they wake up and smell the coffee. Better late than never, no? Yes.

Once a man realizes the immortality aspects of having children, they slowly begin to change for the better. They change for the benefit of the child and in the long run, for themselves. Well, the good men do this anyway. I'm not talking about our parent's generation. I'm talking about our generation. You know, The Generation of The Age of Awareness. Yes, that would be my generation. We thought we would actually change the world and I know that there are many from our generation that failed, then eventually grew up, taking on the general characteristics of their parents (God Forbid).

However, Mr. Snooty has always been an excellent provider and has always been there for us, come what may. I've seen him grow over the years... in our relationship, as well as those relationships he has developed with our children. Even though I realize that it's more of a challenge for men than for us, he always seemed to persevere. I doubt that he will ever realize how much this has meant to me.

For both of our children he has always remained the One Steady Thing in their lives besides me, as it should be. He coached baseball, basketball, football and soccer & was the president of our soccer association. No matter what sport the kids decided to try, he was always there to support both of them and seldom ever missed a game.

So, after all this time I believe I made the right choice in a husband and eventual father of my children. Every day that I look at him & hear him on the phone with the kids, I'm certain that I made the right choice, because he has been an awesome Dad. I have no doubts that he will only get better over the years. He has been 100% devoted to them and he now knows how thankful I am as well as the reason I'm thankful. Mr. Snooty will never be traded in or up-sized. He is the constant in our lives and also our grounding wire.

I praise God every day for bringing me together with this man and I wouldn't do a thing to change our children, as they are the perfect reflection of both of us.

Happy Father's Day Honey! You will always be the shining light in my life as well as the thorn in my side occasionally. But, that's what marriage & parenthood are all about, huh? Highs & lows... ebbs & tides... good & bad. Thanks for making this life trip with me. It wouldn't have been the same without you and I'm shamefully proud of what we've accomplished. You have been the Dad to our children that I had always hoped for. You are The Man!

The Man I Never Knew....

My friend KK over @ Midlife Gals also grew up without her Dad, so be sure to go over & give her a read as well. I'll do my other post this afternoon when we get home.

I'm posting about my own father today because I plan to do a piece on Mr. Snooty, the father of my children, on Father's Day.


Reba MacEntire popularized a song titled The Greatest Man I Never Knew and I don't think I had ever been able to put into words how I felt until I heard that song. It wasn't the entire song, but the very last verse. Hearing that, I felt as if I'd finally found my own voice; nailed my feelings that I'd pushed out of my mind for seemingly forever. Only someone else had written it.

Reba McEntire - The Greatest Man I Never Knew Last Verse:
The greatest words I never heard

I guess I'll never hear

The man I thought could never die

S'been dead almost a year

He was good at business

But there was business left to do

He never said he loved me

Guess he thought I knew

I think I finally realized that my father had never once told me he loved me. I still don't understand why. He died the same year Reba's album with this song came out. I had not seen him or spoken with him since I was 19 years old.


It wasn't so much that I missed not ever being able to get to know my father. It was more that I was always within his reach geographically, and he simply chose not to know me. Even when I was a little girl spending Summers with his parents, my grandparents, he would drop by (usually to drop off or pick up his cleaning, since Mimi & Papa did it for him for free) maybe 2 or 3 times all Summer. He was always too busy to stay or to take me with him.



As my brother (The Prince) got older, Daddy would take him with him for a day or more. It always made me cry but Daddy always said he'd take me with him when I was older & better behaved. I never did mind anyone very well and The Prince did, so he was always The Golden Child, The Favored One. I suppose that would make me The Bad Seed, but I wasn't, really. I was just... precocious... and always getting into trouble for one thing or another. He only took me with him once.

That one time he took me with him, we went out to eat Japanese food and he taught me how to eat with chopsticks. That was the only thing I ever learned from my father. Well, I also inadvertently learned he was the kind of man I would never want to marry. Yes, it was sad. It still is. He was very handsome and he was very self-centered. Everyone loved the man because he had so much charisma, but he lacked in so many other ways. He never knew how to really be a father, yet he fathered many children, most of whom I've never met. I could have used a father growing up. I missed a lot by not having one.

For many years I didn't realize what I was missing. Then, as I got older, I saw how wonderful my friends' fathers were and the relationships they had with them. It always made me long for a father of my own, which would never come to be.


The closest thing I ever had to a father was my father-in-law, whom I worshiped with all my heart. The night before he died, we had all gathered around his hospital bed to say our farewells. When it was finally my turn, I leaned close and told him he had been the closest thing I'd ever had to a father and that I loved him as if he had been my own father. He squeezed my hand, said he knew, and that he loved me too. The next morning he was gone forever, but lives on in my heart.


Time went on and as The Prince & I became teenagers, The Prince eventually went to live with Daddy, leaving me alone with The Brown Recluse. TBR & I moved to Aspen & TP got to travel back & forth, spending half his junior year and his senior year of HS in Aspen. I believe that Daddy was on his 4th wife by that time & she had spawned another offspring so she didn't want either one of us around.

After college, my brother went back to OKC to live and remained close with my father until his death. When The Prince eventually moved to Colorado and married, my father went to Boulder to live with him & his family.

The summer my brother called to tell me that my father had passed away, Mr. Snooty & I were at our lake house in the Texas Hill Country with the kids. I recall being saddened by the news, but didn't cry. He said that Daddy had already been creamated and that he going to spread his ashes over The Great Divide, as he'd requested. So, apparently calling me was an afterthought since he'd already been gone for several days. Before ending my conversation with The Prince, I asked him if he would please send me just a matchbox of Daddy's ashes, so that I could have him with me for the first time in my life. He agreed to do so and we said goodbye. I never received anything of my Dad's from my brother. Some prince.

It was several weeks later before I was hit with tears and depression over the loss of my father. The Man I Never Knew. He had never said he loved me. I guess he thought I knew. I suppose that if he had known how important Daddy's were to daughters, perhaps he might have made more of an attempt to be one.