If You're Faint Of Heart You Might Want To Skip This Post....

Ever since our kids went off to school and into leading their own lives I've seen countless friends redecorate their kids rooms into guest rooms, with much envy. At our house it has basically been a shrine in Snooty Daughter's room. It has remained exactly as it was all during high school and college, well, up until now.




Once I informed our daughter of my intentions to gut her room, I was ordered to not touch a thing until she was finished clearing it out. So, of course, over the holidays she attempted to clean out her room, which ended up being rather a painful exercise for her. She also kept asking how I could have let her be such a hoarder. I can't imagine. It's not like I hoard or anything, right? We did have a good laugh over that.




However, I believe that most of her cleaning out process was fairly painful, parting with memories she knew were too creepy (like Homecoming Mums and pictures of all her old boyfriends) to include in her big-girl-room of my dreams. However, she took the task by the (long) horns and completed it. I now have a clean slate to work with, which is very exciting. However, things at the Snooty household move quite slowly since I have to wrestle the money out of Mr. Snooty's tightly clenched fists. But, the wrestling is always kinda fun. ;-)




I wasn't allowed to take part in the process of cleaning out, which is most understandable. SD was afraid I'd start dragging things in from the trash, so I had my *blinders* on for the duration of said room purging. (I only dragged back a few things in secrecy. I'm nothing if not predictable.)

So, these are the before and during pictures to the process. I plan to have her big window replaced with a bay window that has a window seat with extra storage. This is something I wanted to do the entire time she was growing up, but life just kept getting in the way. Until. Now.



SD's room was once a *blackout room* (with the high school purple throws pinned over the windows). Really, could it possibly be any worse? Oh, yes. It could be and was, much worse. I've never been accused of being a decorator, okay? However, I'm determined to learn since it is the one thing that interests me at the present. Her room has been that gawd awful pink since we moved in this house in 1986. The whole house was all beautifully painted (inside and outside) prior to us moving in, and it was beautiful back then. In 1986.

I also went to Target for Christmas storage bins, which were all on sale. I'm hoping that this really catapults me into the unfamiliar world of being organized, a place I really want to be.

 Over the holidays, I took advantage of local store sales and finished up the den with some lovely micro-fiber pillows that give the room a much warmer feel. Mind you, this is actually *my office* that also serves as our den and now it really does feel *cozy*.




 

Anyhoo, I hope you care to join me on my trek through uncharted decorating waters. It promises to be a good giggle or two. That is, if I don't go completely mad during the process and end up in the loony bin...

Child Rearing Afterlife... AKA Baby Separation Anxiety In Reverse... AKA Empty Nest Syndrome

Since our son & daughter are no longer living at home, I have a much clearer long term view of being an empty-nester. Of course, most Moms will bawl like babies before, during, and after initial separation, but hopefully not until they have deposited their children in their respective dorms and driven away. I did. It was excruciatingly painful to let both of my children go off to college since they had been my main job for 20 years total. However, I was also excited about getting to know my husband again after all those years of going in opposite directions. Let me just say that took some adjustment. We were almost complete strangers & I was worried that we might not be able to recapture what we'd had between us back when we married in 1977. But, I didn't really expect that. I just wanted to have a good relationship again. Somehow, we were able to find it, but not without obstacles. You have to really want to make it work again or it's just wasted effort.

Luckily, we were able to mend the fences & become reacquainted with one another again, although it isn't the mad, passionate love we once had. It seems to be somehow different, and yet the same. We'd spent so many years in *Parent Mode*, I feared we couldn't make the transition and I think it's like that for a lot of couples. If you aren't in touch with one another by the time the kids have been gone a couple of years, then it's probably a lost cause, in my honest opinion.

At any rate, here is how the whole scenario goes (okay, for me anyway):

You spend time & money shopping & getting them off to college, which should be considered time & money well spent. You shop for all the things they'll need, load the SUV (top and interior) with all those things, you help them move into their dorm, hang pictures & other stuff, run at least a gazillion times to the hardware store to find the little item you forgot on the last trip, then they want you to get the Hell out. I was eventually okay with that.

Then you make the drive home, perhaps crying all the way or at least part of the way. When you get home, it's so quiet you could implode. Then the phone rings and it's the college kid... wanting something. Wanting you to send lots of somethings. So, you send them. Every time there is a request, you send the items. Between the phone calls & the packing & shipping of said things you're barely able to catch your breath. At this point you're thinking "What empty nest?"

I recall one instance when we went out to dinner with friends for the evening, which was the first time in many years. When we arrived home, there were like 4 answering machine messages from our daughter with the last message saying "Mom! Dad! Why are you not picking up the phone? I know you're there!" I'm pretty sure Mr. Snoots and I had laughing fits as we were swinging from the chandeliers. When I finally spoke to her, I said "Hey - Guess what? We have a life now. Get used to it." I think she was in total shock for a month. It might have been three months.

If they decide to come home for the first summer you once again think "What empty nest?" You find yourself running errands for them & cooking again, just like before they ever left. Their rooms have become something similar to a shrine that's been rented out temporarily to a young stranger, so you don't mess with them. SD was only home the first summer, working full time for our best friends' law firm. The next year she was home long enough to take a class at the local junior college that included a two week trip to Boston, New York, Philadelphia, and Washington DC .

When school starts back in the Fall, you are saying your blessings & thanking God they are once again gone. Besides, it's football season and you can hardly wait for game weekend road trips. The phone calls & requests for things they need continue, but on a slightly smaller scale. You begin to realize that you might just be able to have a life beyond children. This is the time in which you begin to once again blossom as the human being you were before being someone's Mom. You might even become something better than you were before as it all depends on what you want at this juncture in your life. We all want something different but that doesn't mean we really even have to accomplish anything at all. It becomes our time to do whatever we want, hopefully with someone we love.

You still make the trips to attend sorority or fraternity parties that invite the parents. It's all fun and you talk with other parents who are also discovering (or not) they might just have a child rearing afterlife as well. This is, understandably, a slow & gradual process. You take your kids out to eat and suddenly discover that they were actually paying attention when you were teaching manners. That, or their friends shamed them into better table manners. Either way, you are grateful to whatever powers be.

By their third year of college you realize they are truly growing up and you really did a fabulous job. You can pat yourself on the back here. The phone calls dwindle to once or thrice a week and your new life begins to take shape.

When they reach their senior year of college you don't actually realize that things are coming to an end until they come to an end. Once they graduate and go out into the real world to work you are still taking care of business & never quite understand what is happening until it does happen. You then realize that they have done exactly what you trained them to do for 23-24 years. You also realize the two (or however many) kids suddenly like and care care about each other. You realize all those referee sessions during car trips and in public, paid off.

I just want the soon-to-be-empty-nesters to know that this whole process is only as difficult as you make it. Don't be anal retentive, overbearing, or smothering about it all and learn to go with the proverbial flow. Always encourage them to be as frugal and thrifty as possible, since they won't always be on Dad's payroll... and keep reminding them of this throughout their college years.

I recall our daughter bringing home a wonderful poem from Sunday school, by Erma Bombeck, that I still have on my refrigerator:

"I see children as kites. You spend a lifetime trying to get them off the ground. You run with them until you're both breathless...they crash...they hit the rooftop...you patch and comfort, adjust and teach. You watch them be lifted by the wind and assure them that someday they'll fly. Finally, they are airborne, they need more string and you keep letting it out. But with each twist of the ball of twine, there is a sadness that goes with the joy. The kite becomes more distant, and you know it won't be long before that beautiful creature will snap the lifeline that binds you together and will soar as it is meant to soar, free and alone. Only then do you know that your job is done."
Erma Bombeck

It has all made me see that I need to get busy living or get busy dying, but I'm not ready for defeat yet. I've still got a world of things I want to do & places I want to go. When my time comes to leave this world, they're going to have to drag me kicking & screaming, because I will not go quietly now that I finally have my life back!

Okay, I'm Ready To Get Back To The Empty Nest.... As Of Like Yesterday

Well, this has been the holiday season that just keeps on giving! First, our daughter came home from Los Angeles for the holidays with a broken bone and a blood clot in her leg. She was pretty much house bound for the nineteen (Yes, 19) days she was here, so we really got to see more of her than we'd ever hoped for. As much as I love that wonderful girl, I was ready for her to go home when the doctor finally allowed it. I mean reeeally ready. (I love you Honey! Really!) To SD's credit... She did clean out bags full of *stuff* from her bedroom and bathroom while she was here.

Can you tell I've adjusted beautifully to the *Empty Nest Syndrome*?

Our son was only here for a few days at Christmas but promised he'd be back in January. He came in from Austin last Wednesday and it's just so great to see him doing so well. However, he still hasn't started back to St. Edward's Univ. yet, so he had some spare time on his hands. He came in three days after our daughter left. He also brought his adorable 15 month old Pit Bull Terrier with him. Can you see me smiling through clenched teeth tears of joy? No, you can't. Yes you can.

He assured me that his precious little girl puppy was well behaved and would not do anything bad out in the yard................... Uh-Huh. She doesn't dig holes. Uh-Huh. She doesn't tear things up. Uh-Huh. She doesn't stand at the door and whine. Uh-Huh. Right. Gotcha. At this moment my backyard looks like it was hit by a hurricane. And a tornado. Simultaneously. And, they got into a brawl while in my backyard.

I have no earthly idea what his room looks like. The dog sleeps in there with him every night. I am so afraid to look, much less catch a whiff. However, I've decided not to look until he leaves Tuesday. Sterling idea, don't you think? I wouldn't want to have to hurt our son before he leaves. Honestly, I do want him to come back. Someday. Maybe. Just not too soon after I see the condition of his room.

I can't say any more about this without kind of going all nutsy. For right now at least. Just suffice it to say that I hope my grandchildren turn out to be better behaved than my grand-dog. Please God, hear my prayer. I'm down on my knees begging You.

Can you tell I've adjusted beautifully to the *Empty Nest Syndrome*?

Just six short years ago I cried when I left our daughter at college for her Freshman year. Guess What? Faded Memory. Just two short years ago I moved our daughter and her roomie out to California. I bawled like never before when I left her. Guess What? Another faded memory. She yelled at me in her car on the way to take me to the airport because she didn't want me to cry. She had a job interview..... So I began to weep openly in front of complete strangers as she peeled away from the curb with a screech. Guess What? Yup, another faded memory.

I cried every time our son left too. Guess what? More faded memories.

The last time I whined to a friend about how much I miss the kids, she said "Let me ask you this. Would you want them back home living with you again?" I answered "Good God, No!" She started laughing and said "Good. Then get over it!" I did just that.


I need my space back and I haven't even had time to put away the Christmas decorations yet. I've got piles and piles of laundry. Then there's the issue with the backyard. *SIGH*

Can you tell I've adjusted beautifully to the *Empty Nest Syndrome*?