When God Created Mothers, By Erma Bombeck....

Wishing everyone a most Happy Mother's Day! Erma Bombeck expressed motherhood better than most:

"When God Created Mothers"

When the Good Lord was creating mothers, He was into His sixth day of "overtime" when the angel appeared and said. "You're doing a lot of fiddling around on this one."

And God said, "Have you read the specs on this order?" She has to be completely washable, but not plastic. Have 180 moveable parts...all replaceable. Run on black coffee and leftovers. Have a lap that disappears when she stands up. A kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a disappointed love affair. And six pairs of hands."

The angel shook her head slowly and said. "Six pairs of hands.... no way."

It's not the hands that are causing me problems," God remarked, "it's the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have."

That's on the standard model?" asked the angel. God nodded.

One pair that sees through closed doors when she asks, 'What are you kids doing in there?' when she already knows. Another here in the back of her head that sees what she shouldn't but what she has to know, and of course the ones here in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and say. 'I understand and I love you' without so much as uttering a word."

God," said the angel touching his sleeve gently, "Get some rest tomorrow...."

I can't," said God, "I'm so close to creating something so close to myself. Already I have one who heals herself when she is sick...can feed a family of six on one pound of hamburger...and can get a nine year old to stand under a shower."

The angel circled the model of a mother very slowly. "It's too soft," she sighed.

But tough!" said God excitedly. "You can imagine what this mother can do or endure."

Can it think?"

Not only can it think, but it can reason and compromise," said the Creator.

Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek.

There's a leak," she pronounced. "I told You that You were trying to put too much into this model."

It's not a leak," said the Lord, "It's a tear."

What's it for?"

It's for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness, and pride."

You are a genius, " said the angel.

Somberly, God said, "I didn't put it there."

— Erma Bombeck (When God Created Mothers) 

"IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER"

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the "good" living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather rambling about his youth.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have burned the pink candle sculped like a rose before it melted
in storage.

I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television, and more
while watching life.

I would have gone to bed when I was sick, instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment, realising that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."

There would have been more "I love you's" and more "I'm sorry's"

. . . but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute . . .
look at it and really see it . . . and never give it back."
 

— Erma Bombeck

Let Me Introduce You To My New Little Friends....

I've had constantly interrupted sleep for years, usually due to noise; whether it be dogs barking, birds chirping, the lawn guy trying to do his job at 7:30 AM, helicopters flying over, neighbors trying to mow their lawns early, emergency sirens, or whatever. I've always been a really light sleeper.


Thankfully, when I was in California our daughter got me the most amazing ear plugs... EVER! I can turn the TV way up to blaring and once I have these little darlings plugged into my ears, I hear absolutely nothing. They are so awesome that they rock my world into the land of slumber! Forget about all the others that came before this. They are worthless. These are the only earplugs ever, that I have found to be so totally effective. You can buy them at CVS pharmacy.
 

On another note, my MD has decided that I need to be on high cholesterol medication because although my good cholesterol is very high, my bad cholesterol is really high too. It's 300, to be exact. Yes, I know I should be dead, but I'm not.... yet. He started me on a very low dose of Zolcor and I've never been so sick in my life. I lasted almost a week before I threw it in the trash. I cannot live my life the way I want to if I constantly feel like I'm going to vomit 24 hours per day. So, it's back to the drawing board. Let's hope the next one isn't quite so brutal.
 

My high cholesterol is genetically inherited which means there isn't much else I can do besides the meds.  My father and his father (my grandfather) died from heart attacks before they were even 60 years old. I plan to live longer than that, thank you very much! So, I'll go through all the pains of trying to nail the right medication and dosage. For now anyway.

And... Hooray! My new ovens arrived this morning and the guys that are going to make it fit are coming this afternoon. My dream is suddenly closer to a reality.

Oh and here are the pictures from Mother's Day. Mr. Snoots prepared dinner for me and brought me the loveliest bouquet of fresh flowers. What a guy!

Hey, I Didn't Kill Them, Okay?

Moms are all different but with a common goal; to raise our children the best way we know how. Most of us would kill for our children, if necessary. I know I would. I knew that the day they were born. I think it's basic instinct for most women, since babies aren't born with an instruction manual on how to nurture them. Yet whenever someone hurts our children, we hurt too. Probably more so. And as much as we want to take away their pain, we cannot, which complicates matters even more. Nor can we fix them when something goes south in their lives.




The only job I've ever wanted is to have children and raise them better than I was raised. I think I accomplished that, even though I still wasn't always the best mother in the world. Sometimes I was weakened from the lack of sleep and would yell or be snappish with the kids. There were times that I missed sporting functions because I simply couldn't stand going to all of them day after day, month after month, year after year. Other times they were late for school because I'd been up all night making class party favors and slept through the alarm. There were times I was late picking them up from school because I was still having fun at a late lunch with friends and had lost track of the time. I could go on, but I won't. I'm fairly confident you get the idea.




Still, the irrefutable fact remains that I kept them safe from harm, well fed, well dressed and well educated. I took them to Sunday School and church every week, 4 to 5 vacations every year and the lake house every summer. They both had braces on their teeth, huge birthday parties every year and plenty of toys at Christmas (after I stayed up all night playing Santa and putting toys together). I stayed up long nights when they were sick and took them to the doctor when needed. Frankly, they have led charmed lives compared to the way I grew up. I love them both unconditionally and they are both well aware of this fact. 

So HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to me and all of you other Moms out there who didn't strangle our children during the *Terrible Twos* or the *Torrential Teens*....