Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Love The One You're In....


A very clever & witty writer, leendaluu over at Wit's End started a Mr. Linky called "Love The One You're In". Your body, that is. Her article is excellent and presented me with some issues I've struggled with all of my life, so I decided to jump in feet first and bare my soul.








I was born a healthy 9 lbs. and 6 oz. and from the day I was born, everyone in my family referred to me as chubby or plump. Now I find this amusing because since going through old pictures to find my chubby pictures, I couldn't find any, which has left me perplexed and scratching my head. Hmmmm... Now, the only time I really ever gained weight was when I was away at boarding school. Go figure. Mashed potatoes and bread with meals every night, three fattening meals a day. Okay, so I got fairly heavy by the time I graduated.



Right now I'm 5'4" and weigh 135, which I'm pretty much pleased with. When I graduated from high school, I weighed the exact same weight, give or take 5 pounds. And yet my mother (The Brown Recluse) was disgusted at how LARGE I'd gotten while at school. The day I left school and flew home, she had an appointment for me with her diet pill doctor. This started me on half a lifetime of doing drugs in order to stay thin. I had no idea at the time and I didn't have a choice. The first pills I became addicted to were called Bamadex Sequels by Lederle. I mean really, who can forget their first addiction love? From there, I graduated several years later to Dexedrine. Those were fun and made me think I could do anything. Actually, I could almost move mountains, in my own mind anyway. My college professors weren't nearly as impressed with me as I was.

I'm thinking that you're all beginning to get the picture, right? I eventually had to resort to buying Bennies (Benzedrine) and the like, illegally, and did so for many years. I was ultimately able to stop although that was more of a money issue than anything else. Needing a new addiction, I became addicted to racquet ball and running and health foods, which lasted a good many years.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I was 100% affected by what the people in my life thought of me and whatever weight I was and I let them dictate to me what I should look like, when I was actually okay with how I looked. That's how I was raised. I put my heart and my health at risk, under the guidance of The Brown Recluse, for striving to be what other people (including her) thought I should be. I was still just an impressionable kid and had not yet discovered that I had a little steel in my spine.



I never once bugged either of our children about their weight and they are both two of the most confident people I know, in mind & body. I wanted them to never suffer any of the humiliations I had suffered, and they haven't.

So, I guess the upshot of this post is that after worrying about my weight nearly my entire life, I believe that at 55 years of age, I have finally come to like & accept the way I look. It feels as if mind, body and spirit have all finally come together in harmony and I am loving every minute of it. I, at long last, have come to love the body I'm in and it's damn well time too. I don't have all that much time left to enjoy it.

I've deprived myself of a lifetime of good food, but am finally beginning to enjoy it as I relish in who and what I am.


Whoever you are, don't ever let anyone influence the way you feel about yourself unless it's in a positive way. Life has enough dark twists & turns without allowing others to color the way we see ourselves. Celebrate who you are and the body that houses your soul and your heart. You are who you are and that, in the end, is all that really matters....
It won't matter a bit when you're dead, now will it?

17 comments:

imbeingheldhostage said...

Oh bless! My husband calls our baby girl chunky-- I know he means it fondly because we're of that mindset that a little weight means you're healthy. I have gotten on him to stop it though. My sister has always struggled with her weight-- and her younger pictures show a girl that was normal sized with big breasts.She always thought she was fat and has ruined her health because of it.
Great post!

Holy Crappers said...

Great post snooty dear !!
If you are a little over weight the doctors bitch and moan , if you are under weight, once again bitch and moan. My son is extremely small for his 17 years. He will be 18 in Dec and for 2 years his doctor has sent me to specialists and has tried to get me to give him hormones. They are never happy , are they? I have refused the treatment due to the fact that they can give me no medical reason for doing so . Their reason , ok ready?.....Peer Pressure !! Screw that !!
He will grow at his own rate.

#1

Mental P Mama said...

Great post. And an even better title. So true. Health should always be the goal.

Leendaluu said...

Fabulous post. I think I have the same pictures from my youth (including one in a cadet uniform) in which I thought I was so fat. Now I look back at them and think, I'm just the same as I am now (+/- 5 lbs). Thanks for getting on board with all this! So nice to meet you!

QueenofPlanetHotflash said...

I am guilty, I have a bad self image but I do have to loose alot of weight. I have medical issues which prevented me from moving enough to be able to shed excess lbs,but meds and Dr. are helping me now, anyways I totally understand.
Great Post!

Meg said...

Well now, I do believe this is one of the best posts I have ever read regarding weight and loving our bodies. THANK you Snooty, for keeping it real and reminding us of what's really important. Life is too short not to enjoy the food we love in the body God meant for us to have!

Hugs!

QueenofPlanetHotflash said...

Ms. Primadona wander over and check my place you have something there for you :)

scargosun said...

I am EXTREMELY careful with people's kids and those words which could damage them. I was not a heavy kid but my sister was a slender tall girl, still is. Made me look less so. I struggle with my weight now but don't worry about being a perfect size.

asthmagirl said...

I was always skinny (except for the fifth grade before I shot up to adult height!) and never thought much about weight. I had a little trouble dropping weight after my last daughter, but it all came off eventually. Now that I've put on steroid weight that appears to be here to stay, I'm working on just being healthy. The thing is, you still hear all the commercials about bloat and pills and supplements. There's a whole industry that caters to women that aren't comfortable in their bodies. And it must be a money maker, because the commercials keep playing. Gag.

Great Post Snooty. Thanks for sharing... those pictures tell a story don't they?!

Daryl said...

Fabulous, Lizzie, and you were not ever fat, plump or even chubby ... you were healthy!!!!

You are in seriously good shape for a woman of 'your age' (as someone who is older than you, trust me this is a compliment!).. menopause (and perimenopause) is when our bodies slow down due to declining estrogen ... your golfing should more than make up for any lack of 'exercise' ... all that walking and swinging and cussing .. it burns calories!

SO proud of you!

:-Daryl

Keeper Of All Things said...

Wow what a lesson to learn the hard way..........Oh and don't forget the whole whose on top thing!!!! It works!!!
I think you look great!!

Krysta said...

This is the best post I have read! I was always small. 5 foot 100 pounds but because of all the sports I played I had lots of muscle my dad said my ankles were thick. Excuse me, but I have the furthest thing from cankles you have ever seen but it set me up for alot a confusing self esteem issuses as I got older. It got a little better then I started looking at my daughter who is thin and willowy and it started making me think I wanted to be like that, then I came to my senses...I'm not 16, I'm 34 and have had 4 kids. I earned my curves and I was never willowly to begin with. As I get older I start to like myself more and more but it is still a struggle.

noble pig said...

This was an amazing post about you and how you felt about your body. It should be inspirational to all. You never cease to amaze on your positive outlook on things.

Lori said...

Great post!

Snooty Primadona said...

Thanks everybody! I cannot tell you what an eye opener it was for me to go back and look at pictures I had not looked at in forever. I'm still stunned that my family could do that to me my entire life. Also, that I believed them is just crazy. That's one heck of a lot of damage done by people who are supposed to be on your side. It just reconfirms everything about my life growing up. They sucked. Not Me.

Also, you might not have noticed it if you didn't click on it, but the last picture shows me with The Brown Recluse. Isn't she just perfect? Not. Ever.

Mamahut said...

Wow! Nice Post. Wish I weighed 135again. I only say that because of my knee pain. I am seeing a new doc. and he upped my thyroid meds. said I was too low. I have my fingers crossed. I just want baggy clothes again w/o breaking the bank.

Flea said...

Excellent! I now work with girls with eating disorders and am always shocked at their weight. Part of my job is to weigh them in the morning, and most of these girls are in what their doctors deem their healthy weight range. One girl, who's about 5'7", is 172. When I was a new mom and about that weight, I just thought I'd die. Now what I wouldn't give to get down to that?

You're right, though. It's about being happy in your skin. And ignoring your mother.

 

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