Yes, It's Time For My Yearly Flatulence Post.... Wherein Emily Post Leaps Out The Window

I don't know about you but my mailbox has been inundated with catalogs. Most of them get filed in the waste can but I recently came across one that tweaked my interest. Inside I found the ad for a pad you wear that not only disguises the embarrassment of flatulence odors, but also muffles the undesirable audio of said flatulence. Why was I not the one to come up with this? I surely could have if I'd sat and thought about it. Anyhoo, it's called *Subtle Butt*, which is a gas all by itself.


Yes, the older we get, the more embarrassing we become; to ourselves, our friends, and our family. It's not like we can help the way our very own bodies betray us with age. Apparently, they have minds of their own. However, there are some geniuses out there who have been hard at work in sparing us the humiliation of a toot *slipping past* by accident.  I'm all over that band wagon, trust me.


Even my teacher, Mr. Snoots, takes pause at my massive amounts of (ahem!) inner gasses. It's only gotten worse since I began taking the 4 Fiber Select Gummies per day. I'm beginning to learn that I should only take them before bed. Therefore no one's sleep except my own, is disturbed. Yes, I'm thoughtful like that.


This is, of course, the reason I can't travel with *just anyone*. I need a travel partner that can withstand my ummm... odd bodily functions that perform at whim. The escapees gain freedom most often while I'm giggling or coughing, take your pick. Although, giggling is the  most frequent vehicle for escape. However, when you're alone 90% of the time like I am, you don't exactly exercise control. I mean, you're alone, right? That is a dangerous path of thought, trust me. Perhaps that is precisely why I'm alone 90% of the time. Hmmmm...

So, try and remember the sensitivities of your friends and kinfolk this year of 2011. Go outside to give all that noxious thanks for your many blessings. Your friends and loved ones will appreciate it, I'm sure. I know mine will....