I Never Dreamed I'd Miss Hot Flashes....

Honestly, I haven't left the house since this cold front hit us. Yeah. I'm wimpy that way. Our high today was 9 degrees F with a worse windchill and I've been shivering all day. Right now it is 3 degrees F outside with a wind chill of -8. Earlier this evening it snowed a couple more inches and Trouble The Cat still won't venture out longer than a nano minute. We actually hit an all time record low today and tonight.


I didn't used to be such a wimp. I mean, when I was in full throttle hot flashes, I jumped at the chance to venture out into the cold. Now that I've moved on to post menopausal, I'm always cold. Yes, life is not fair, is it? After suffering through years of PMS (also suffered by those around me), pre-menopause (also suffered by those around me), full blown menopause (also suffered by those around me), and now post menopause (suffered entirely alone), I'm wondering "Is it all downhill from here?" 


Then, I realized that I'm through the worst of menopause and pretty darned lucky to be alive. Every day is a gift. It doesn't matter if it's freezing cold and the electricity goes out for a few hours or it's over 100 degrees F and your air conditioning goes out. The only thing that matters is that you are alive and well. Embrace each and every day, no matter the weather or circumstances. Life is fragile. However, I'd rather be cold than hot. Why? Because you can always put on tons of clothing to stay warm (like Ralphie in a A Christmas Story) but when it's hot you can only take off so much clothing before it becomes illegal, right?

That being said, I'm going to go ahead and post this before the electricity goes down again. The city is still doing Rolling Blackouts to try and prevent the entire grid from blowing out. We live in the older part of town  (which means we have an older, more vulnerable grid) and they have requested that residents cut back on their usage of electricity as much as possible, so our house is almost at blackout at this point anyway. One year on Christmas night we lost power for like 6 hours, but it was actually rather fun. We ended up playing Gin Rummy by candlelight, in front of the fireplace and had a blast.

Poor Trouble Cat now resides in front of the fireplace, which I continue to stoke just in case the electricity goes out again. Anyway, in these below freezing temperatures, I rather miss those hot flashes, which I never dreamed I would ever say. Go. Figure. Still, I feel elated to be alive. How about you?

It's Beginning to Sound Like A Jungle Outside....

Wow! We must be in full swing of Creature Spring Mating Season. They're all out there *doing it*.... the birds & the bees & crickets & whatever other little critters lurk beyond my door. I tried to keep the door open in my study (next to the desk that houses my computer), and I couldn't even hear myself think! Pipe down you ANIMALS! It's hard enough trying to think without all that blasted racket going on for a nice confusing background noise. What is this anyway, some kind of Paradise? I think not. Judging by the sounds barging through my screen door, you'd think I lived in the middle of fucking nowhere. It wouldn't be so bad if it didn't go on all night long and into the morning. All night long I hear them.... ALL of them. Which of course, makes it impossible to sleep with the windows open on cool nights.



All this noise is especially annoying on nights when I'm having trouble sleeping and my legs keep getting stuck together with the night sweats of being a menopausal woman. It's almost like trying to pry apart hard candies that have been left in the sun. It's also painful at times, if one attempts to separate one's legs too quickly. Trust me on this one. So, there I lie in my bed, staring in the direction of the ceiling, in the dark. Spread-eagled. Sweating profusely. Listening to all of God's creatures, who happen to be having a Sex & Mating Convention just outside my window. Listening to the snorting/snoring person next to me who had double covers on while I choose the no covers category.

I suppose it doesn't help that we have grapevines just outside the windows. I have a feeling I'm going to take that vine out this Summer. Yes, in fact, I'm sure of it. You see, the grapevine coils around a wire trellis which runs from the fence to the side of the house, therefore providing an excellent place for the birds to gather & do whatever else birds do in addition to making lots of noise & pooping wherever they please. The squirrels (that I am oh so not fond of) find it particularly entertaining using it for their workout center, doing all manner of trapeze artist type tricks. The little rats. Cute, furry little rats. Say *bye bye* to your recreation area you little rodents.



The grapevine was here when we bought the house 22 years ago, but we've never paid a moments attention to it. It simply grows on its own in one of our side yards and seeks water wherever it can, I suppose. We've never watered it, but it still continues to thrive & produce fat green grapes every year. The birds have usually pretty well consumed the grapes before they turn even slightly sweet, so I've just never paid much attention to it, aside from eyeing the vines for a wreath project a time or two. Well, let's say I never paid it much mind until I hit menopause. Hehehe... Sorry old grapevine friend, but I'm downsizing and you're history. Soon. Very soon.



Now mind you, I did attempt to get the birds to move by putting a lovely feeder in the backyard, but they just crapped everywhere on my patio, so that plan didn't work. Then, I even went so far as to buy a big fat slingshot (which I was exceedingly giddy about) only to discover I'm no better with a slingshot now than I was as a kid. I did accidentally put a tiny little hole in one of my bedroom windows. Not to worry, duct tape to the rescue. Yes, it is very tacky, but problem solved (for now anyway).

So, it seems my only course of action is to not take any action. I mean, I really like to watch the birds when I'm sitting on the patio in the evening... they're a hoot to watch. So, I went to the drug store and bought little nerf type earplugs and if those don't work, then I suppose I'll have to resort to listening to my Ipod while trying to sleep. Sure hope that fire alarm doesn't need to be heard during the night. That would be a tragedy.

So, I'm not so looking forward to yet another night of jungle life (fever) and sticky buns 'n thighs. I know. Try to not be jealous. Trust me, you'll all get to experience the joys of menopause one day. You Lucky Girls! I would give anything to be able to tell you that it's really fun & a blast & how wonderful it is to be a menopausal woman, but I'd just be lying through my fucking teeth. However, I have heard that if you survive menopause relatively in tact, the rewards get even better. Oh. Never mind. I must have been thinking about something else & got my wires crossed. After menopause, we just start to shrink as our feet & noses get bigger, lol. YeeeeHaaaawww! Aren't you just thrilled with anticipation? Honey, that's just the tip of the iceberg. All of the hellish delights of growing old are just a few breaths away. So, fiddle while ye may.

Gawd, are we having fun yet? I just hope that you aren't all living with a thermostat gestapo, like me. The man who rules the remote in this house seemingly also rules the thermostat. He & I are polar opposites in body temperatures. He wears his winter warm-up suits in Summer to play golf. I have night sweats. I have day sweats. I have sweats that don't give a rat's ass what time of day it is. You do the math. So, in winter he keeps me in Summer clothes due to the heat. In Summer, I live in a swimsuit & pareo due to the heat. We don't have a pool. Yup. That's just what I was thinking. Clearly not proper treatment of a primadona. The quality of his life, as he knows it, might be seriously about to go downhill if he continues this pattern of behavior. ;-P I'm not saying this in jest.

What makes him even more annoying at times, is that he's practically deaf, so he says "What birds? I didn't hear any birds." No kidding. Really? So, he apparently didn't hear the crickets or the other zillions of little beasts out there making their mating calls. *SIGH* Guess he didn't hear himself snoring like a freight train either. Go figure. I'm not sure which is worse... The birds chirping, the squirrels chattering or the snort/snoring of my bed mate, soon to be other bedroom mate. The things I put up with, I swear!

Help Mr. Wizard!