The Bitch Is Back.... Hopefully

As difficult as the last few weeks have been for me, I have had an epiphany. I can live without the computer and life goes on. Who knew? I thought that perhaps this all happened to me for a reason. I was getting far too dependent on my computer and whatever the forces were, I was compelled to come to the realization that there is more to my life than hovering over my computer day after day. It doesn't rule me and I do still have a life in The Real World. Lesson learned.That said I'm damned glad to be back! I have missed everyone and although I may have learned a valuable lesson, I've also realized that all of you mean a great deal to me, but I have things here that I need to take care of as well. Time management is now one of my main objectives and it's probably something I should have incorporated into my everyday life long ago.

We went to Austin last weekend to meet up with the kids and had a wonderful time eating and drinking our way through our mini family reunion. Snooty Daughter flew in from L.A. for her birthday, so it was cause for celebration. Since our son's birthday is also this month, it was a double celebration.

When we left here, the winds from Hell were blowing, which made for a particularly difficult drive, so I was exhausted when we finally reached our hotel. The winds were blowing in Austin but not nearly like they were in West Texas. We didn't play golf this time because of the high winds, so our son drove us around his college campus one day (St. Edwards University), which is really beautiful.

There weren't as many Bluebonnets along the way this year, due to not enough rain in the fall months. However, there were other colors, although not near as plentiful as we've seen in the past. Austin is suffering from severe drought, as are most areas of Texas. We're used to it out here in West Texas (the desert), but Austin usually gets plenty of rain.

I wish I could say I've been busy moving, but things just don't work like that around here. Mr. Snoots is far too frugal to buy one house before selling the other. I'm sure we'll have to talk & think about it for a few years before we ever take the jump. Remember, we've been in this house for 23 years. We never just jump into anything. Ever.

We had several amazing meals while in Austin, but you'll have to refer to my cooking blog to read about those heady experiences. We did eat lunch at one of my favorite spots... Trudy's. It's nothing spectacular but they do have excellent Margaritas, Tex-Mex food and attentive servers. They also have a lovely outside eating area, so we sat outside as we drank our cocktails and feasted on a delicious lunch.

Today the winds from Hell are blowing again… up around 40-50 mph. I'm so glad that I didn't bother to clean anything up outside… It would have been a completely futile act.

We also ate lunch one day at Hut's Burgers which is another Austin favorite. They have amazingly delicious burgers. Unfortunately, I was so crammed in to a tiny booth that I was unable to reach my purse for my camera. Being close to the University of Texas and downtown Austin, it was literally packed for lunch.

I'm Having Blogger Issues... Or Else I'm Getting Paranoid

For several months now I've been having trouble with posting on some blogs. In other words, I can't post a comment of any kind. It happened first with Meg's blog Lucchese To Louis Vuitton. She got tired of me never commenting, so she dumped me. Then, my friend over at Buddha's Place changed her blog to a new format and I cannot comment on her blog.

Now, it has happened with Janie over at Sounding Forth. Ever since she gave her blog a makeover, I cannot leave comments with her new format. I really don't understand this. Other people have changed the look of their blogs and I can still comment with them.

So, if I'm not commenting on your blog, there is a reason why. I just can't determine what that reason is.

Oh - wait! Maybe I'm just not getting the hint or something. Where the bloody hell is the Help Button when you need it?

This is not a good thing when you're addicted to blogging! And, what's worse is... they don't seem to be making any changes to accommodate me. Imagine that.

Happy One Year Blogiversary To Me!

Yes, this week is my one year anniversary. I can't believe that I've been blogging for a whole year now, but it's true. When I first started out, I wasn't sure what I was doing, but within a week I had pretty much figured out this whole blogging thing.



Forget the fact that most of my *real life* friends don't know what a blog is, nor do they care.



Forget the fact that I now routinely embarrass my family & friends by taking pictures of everything.



Forget the fact that my laundry now remains piled high and my house needs attention.



Forget all that! I'm a blogger now, so I do have a mission. Just don't ask me what that mission is. I still haven't quite figured that one out. Was my mission to spill my guts about my past and make others despise my mother? No. Not really. Honestly, I don't know what my plan was and still don't because this is all a work in progress. I can tell you that I feel like I've had the best therapy available in the last year. Some of us need to purge ourselves of the past in order to move happily into the future without being weighed down by that excess baggage left over from the past. I can tell you that it has certainly been successful for me.



So, in honor of my one year anniversary, I'd like to share with you one of my very first posts, since it's highly unlikely that it was read by more than one or two people. Enjoy!



Snooty Primadona's Musings, Opinions & Critiques on Just About Everything Under The Sun… (Which translates to: I can insult the best & worst of people.)



Okay, I feel that I must say this upfront. I'm about as far from a "snooty primadona" as a woman could possibly get. However, I just love that title and had to make it mine! Quite frankly, the older I get, the more irreverent I get, so this just makes so much sense.


This is a picture of me from a few years ago when Big D, Big C and I all had our salsas entered in the Austin Hot Sauce Festival. I think this was from the 3rd year we all entered and DIDN'T WIN ...AGAIN!


I quite often stick my size 8.5 foot in my mouth even though I seriously don't mean to, but then sometimes I do mean to. Okay, I'm a paradox unto myself, but it doesn't end here by any means. People are so very strange and I like to toss wrenches into the works whenever possible. Whenever someone I know (and don't necessarily like) gets too full of himself or herself, I have this uncontrollable urge to knock them back to reality. (Yes, morons, we are all, alas, humans. It's just that some of us aren't sheep...) I just cannot help myself because it's always so much fun to do so. I like to do things like inquire as to whether it's time for them to take their medication or suggest it might be time for whatever meditation exercises they practice, to begin. I get many indignant stares as well as stares of disbelief, which are always most rewarding. Then I just let out a little giggle and move on to something else. Once again, get over yourselves.


I've always loved that line of Julia Robert's in "Pretty Woman" when she gets in the elevator for the first time & says "OH NO! I HAVE A RUN IN MY PANTYHOSE! OH WAIT! I'M NOT WEARING ANY PANTYHOSE!" That always cracks me up and the look on that woman's face is priceless!



ON ANOTHER NOTE: For the last several months, I've been undergoing a lot of dental agony, with not just one, but 3 dental MD's. Some of you with dental phobias might want to go on to the next post here. One is a regular dentist, one is a periodontist, and the other is an oral surgeon. I started out with an abscess tooth (yup, OUCH!) so, my regular dentist referred me to both the periodontist & the oral surgeon. The former for a spine tingling & excruciating "deep cleaning" and the latter for a 3-part root canal. Can we talk fun here??? Painkillers NOR Xanax worked on me for any of these procedures, but I've defied the odds & lived to tell the tale. For all of the above procedures I really wish that I'd had my Ipod because the sounds made by the doctors' tools were actually worse than the procedures. Forget fingernails on a chalkboard…. that would have been like music compared to this. Soooooo….. $2,000.00 later, I'm told to come back in 6 months to see if the procedures worked. TO SEE IF THE PROCEDURES WORKED?????? ARE THEY KIDDING???? SO THEY GET PAID THAT MUCH MONEY FOR A "MAYBE" YOU'RE TOOTH WILL LAST?? We're talking one tooth here, people. Is there no justice left in toothdom?



Alright, I've taken my Xanax and have calmed down now (just kidding - I don't take anything).... HAPPY? Well, I am happy and that's all that counts in my book, so get over it.



Life is mysterious.... don't take it too serious... and avoid being a moron at all costs. And my biggest piece of advice for the day is: Take. Care. Of. Your. Teeth.

An Open Heart Letter To My Blog Friends....

Dearest Blog Friends:


I've been gone most of the day today, then we went out to dinner at a favorite local eatery with our son (who's here until Sunday) and our two best *friend couples*. After dinner we went over to the Galveston friends' house for a while. I relayed the story from yesterday about my new (who knows? it may be one of the old ones) Troll and had them rolling on the floor. However, I didn't take any pictures or elaborate any further because I have lately sensed a bit of boredom when I talk about my blog. The Galveston friends read my blog on rare occasion, but both have very busy lives and are seldom online. The other couple doesn't know or care what my blog is, although I love them both. The wife doesn't even do email. *Sigh*



Driving home I began to think about how important you have all become to me in my everyday life. I checked my previous posts to be sure and discovered that I began this whole thing February 1, 2008. Since that date my life has changed drastically and much of that has had to do with all of you. I've been trying to think of a way to put this without sound all sappy, but alas, I can't. For nearly a year I have been baring my soul, sharing my childhood horrors, venting, and revealing stories of my life that I have never before told. I have read your own stories and posts and sharings of your lives, and I have been totally captivated and often amused by them all. If I were not enthralled or entertained, I wouldn't be *reading* you. I'm dead serious.


You, my blog friends, know me better than even my best friends, because you know my heart. You have read and commented on stories that not even my best friends want to hear (or have heard), and you have made my heart and my will and my inner strength more powerful than ever. I just don't think there is any way I can ever repay any of you and yet, I feel as if I owe you my very life. Do you have any idea how much you have all saved me on therapy? Good God! You've all saved me from being institutionalized (so to speak)!!!!


When my best friend died suddenly from complications with her diabetes in 2006, I kind of went into a depression of sorts, often not leaving the house for a week at a time. I lost touch with other friends and acquaintances because I was totally into my grief. I wouldn't even answer the phone or the door when people called or came by. Her death shook me to my very core and I was totally lost without her. Suze was my lightning rod, my partner-in-crime, my grounding wire and so much more. I held her up while her son was deployed to Iraq and she held me up as I struggled to help my son through his addictions. We were best friends for 25 years. That's the longest amount of time I've ever had a best friend in my life. We loved each other like sisters and of course, we got mad at one another like sisters. There were times we didn't talk for weeks at a time for whatever reasons, but it was okay. We both knew it was and we were good with it. So, needless to say... I was a devastated mess for quite a while after her untimely death. She was only 50 years old. Her husband had moved on and was dating someone but I was still wallowing in my grief. It was a decidedly dark time for me, although I could usually put up a good front when I had to. I just couldn't do it for very long. I was still in so much pain. Those of you who grew up in *normal* homes (whatever that is) probably don't understand what it meant to me to finally have a friend for longer than a few years. It was a whole new experience for me. Then suddenly, Suze was just gone. Poof! Finis. History.





Then, in January of 2008 I bought a copy of MORE magazine and it changed my life. There was an article about women who blog, which reconnected me with a childhood friend, KK of Midlife Gals. I emailed her. She emailed me back. I said I loved her blog. She said I should try it, so I did. I have not yet regretted it. In fact, in spite of the sprinkling of nasty trolls, blogging has become a real treasure in my life. KK... I owe you a lot for your encouragement and support. KK knew Suze growing up and knew of her passing and she felt that I needed an outlet for my grief. KK... you have no idea what an explosion you created in me! In a good way, of course. I owe you so much more than a lunch of steak & frittes. I will make up for that sometime in the very near future, my friend.


Soooooooo... although none of you may know it, you have had a very profound and positive effect on the course that my life would eventually take. Nearly one year skipping down the yellow brick road and things are getting so much better. I will always miss my friend and sister-in-life, but you have all helped to ease my pain in more ways than I can ever express. You all have my undying devotion.


Thank You! From the deepest recesses of my heart I thank you with all I've got. I am your biggest and most loyal fan... all of you. And you can take that to the bank.

As Bloggers, Are We Doomed To Tolerating Hate Mongers Who Leave Ugly Comments?

My answer is: Well, of course not! If You Never Think An Independent Thought Or Speak Out About Anything. You might even succeed in no angst if you have no spouse, no children, no pets, no mortgage, no car payments, nor anything to fret about. I feel certain that you're getting my drift. My guess is that you either live in a cocoon, in a *sanitarium*, or are a "Bubble Person". Whichever it is, more power to you, Darlin'. I sometimes wish I could just lose my mind along with all the worries of the world and in my own life. Okay fine. I don't have any worries in my life besides my golf game, currently. But, if I did.

Yet, I have to stop and realize that all of the things that have occurred in my life and inexplicably happened to me, are simply parts to the puzzle that make up the complex human being that I am, and amazingly, we are all complex human beings. Most people just never think about it. I believe that I am finally, once and for all, at peace with myself and who I am. Strange though it may seem to some, I am an overly emotional woman, and proud of it. I admit that some of the emotional vigor comes from out of whack hormones that accompany the ever-so-enjoyable menopause, but the rest are true and honest, to my marrow. I bruise easily, inside and out, which is often quite painful. Luckily, I am a woman, which allows me all of this even if I appear to be silly or an idiot in the eyes of someone else who thinks emotions are mere nonsense. Being a woman of substance also allows me to heal myself, which I do quite often, due to an ongoing exposure to *certain toxic others*. A "tender heart" must learn early in life to heal oneself. It's mandatory to survival, trust me.

What it means to me is that I am able to feel anything and everything that I experience in this world, to its fullest extent. I thank God that I have emotions, as opposed to the many millions of people who do not. I cannot begin to imagine not getting the level of joy I get from seeing things like miles and miles of Bluebonnets, or breathtaking sunsets, or heartfelt blog posts. When I leave comments on your blogs regarding your pictures, it's all I can do to keep from putting dozens of exclamation points because they give me such joy. It's the same way when I leave a comment on a post that I particularly relate to.

It also means that I suffer sadness much the same, although growing older has helped to ease that some. Still, I cry a lot. Most of the time, I must confess that I cry for happiness more than sadness. Truly. I am the world's biggest softy, which any member of my family will laughingly tell you. It might even be the reason my hubby quit watching movies with me. Alone even. Yes, I'm that bad, but I don't mind. I like the *Running The Gamut Of Emotions* on a daily basis. It makes me feel alive. I laugh as much, if not more, than I cry happy tears, so that seems to be a double shot of laughter and keeps my tears ducts cleared (which is oh-so-important... or not). I've heard it will also help me to live longer, but the jury is still out on that one.

I also tend to get over-excited and animated about the things I'm currently elated about. I've been this way roughly since birth, so I'm guessing that I'm not going to be changing in this department. So, just let me say this: If you don't like it or you don't like the way I write, then Get The Hell Out And Don't Freaking Come Back. Don't Hang around to leave ugly comments for me or *yell* at me, computer style. I NEVER leave ugly comments for anyone or for any reason. I never will because that just isn't the way I am and it's not part of my DNA. I'm not in the least bit judgemental and I try to never leave anything but happy, positive, funny, or kind remarks for the blogs I visit. Why would anyone want to visit a blog they don't like, or it makes them feel bad, or makes them want to leave hurtful criticisms or remarks? This behavior doesn't exist in my personal DNA. I'll admit I went overboard on one post (election day) that I had to delete because my delete comments feature had mysteriously disappeared, but I was admittedly caught up in the moment of election time fever, and I never once left any ugly or harsh remarks on anyone else's blog. I also occasionally suffer from *Devils Advocate Syndrome* while also being prone to *Reporter-Journalist-Wannabe-itis*. So sue me. I learned the rewards of that folly, never to venture down that road again.

And, yes, you guessed it! I am going to give you my view on why people do this *ugly comment thing*. It actually sort of goes back to my post about Toxic Friends. There are many, many people in this world, Bless Their Hearts, who just have a mean streak in them. Usually it's from birth, but often I come across some that have learned and adopted this lifestyle by choice. It never ceases to amaze me, really. So much wasted energy.

I now offer you this lovely remark from a commenter:

Anonymous said...
Why do you lol all the time? It's really annoying. You don't need to write lol at the end of everything, super-fucking annoying. May I ask also how old you are? And this is not a rhetorical question, really how old are you, because quite frankly you write like a woman that is in her early twenties. Please don't tell me you are any older than that, if you do you seriously need to grow up and do some maturting. Sincerely,Ema

Well, My Dear Commenter "Ema", I am about as *maturt* as I am going to get, at this point. Apparently, you did not take the 3 to 5 seconds it would require to read my profile. Tsk! Tsk! And, since you're pointing out things, I'd like to add that I abhor people who can't spell or use spellcheck (actually, I don't care except for people like you). At least you could have shown you have the guts to back up your statement by leaving your blog name, but no. That was not the case, was it? So, here and now I banish you and your kind. BEGONE! Again, if you don't like the way I write or what I write, then go away and leave me be. This is my blog and I will write how I please and say what I please, within reason. However, you are not welcome here, so don't let the door hit you in the arse on your way out, okay?

Is my menopause showing like my slip did back in Junior High School at the dance or what?

This Is A Landmark Post For Me... Post #100

Wow, I can hardly believe I am making my 100th post as a blogger! When I first started blogging I was truly a babe in the woods. I probably wasn't doing it completely right at first and I'm sure I made many mistakes, but I caught on pretty fast. I was immediately hooked. For the first time in my life I have a venue for the millions of thoughts & ideas floating around in my head. Or rattling. My use of the English language is sometimes lacking in sparkle factor, but I think I manage to get my thoughts understood. The main point is that being able to pound out my thoughts & observations & memories on the keyboard has been better than any shrink or head doctor could have ever been for my mental health. Not that I would ever go to a head doctor. I think they are for seriously mentally ill people. I'm just mildly disturbed, scarred by careless parents, like most people.



The blogosphere and those of you who make comments have no idea what you have done for me in the confidence department. You all make me laugh when I read your blogs or when you comment on mine. I haven't had this much fun in years. Nor have I ever felt so cleansed inside. Things I would normally let gnaw away at me, I now let roll off my keyboard as if facing my inner monsters for the first time. There is certainly nothing wrong with that. In fact, it's healthier than what would have been said decades ago. Don't air your dirty laundry in public. I'm sure there are still millions who feel that way, but I'm not one of them. It always makes me feel better when I've admitted my mistakes and faced them. And there are many people who find strength in the reading of other people's highs & lows in life. I do. I say get all the dark clutter out of your mind & your soul and step into the light of life.(You would never have heard me say this when I was growing up. I was so subservient.)



So, yes, I do believe that the blogosphere is a very healthy place. Mr. Snooty & I haven't had a BIG argument since I started. You know, because now he doesn't have to listen to my rants all the time. That's one improvement in my life. Also, I'm able to offer unsolicited advice that people I know in The Real World, would probably never accept from me. Improvement #2.



So, I'd just like to take this opportunity to thank all of you out there in the blogosphere for being here and being who you are. Even though I do insane and crazy things at times, I know you'll still accept me because you know that I'm just menopausal, not postal. And when I read your blogs, I am equally as accepting of the zany, funny things you do.



What a wonderful world the blogosphere is....

Oh yeah, this is Monday alright. All day long...

I had every intention of getting my derriere out of bed early this morning, so that I could get in a full day of doing all the little things around here that I've been neglecting since I discovered blogging. Yes, I'm having so much fun blogging that I'm really ignoring all of the other aspects of my life, except food and personal hygiene and feeding the cat. I see that I am totally becoming a computing/blogging slut puppy and I'm going to do something about this new development soon. Very soon. I am actually expecting this new phase in my life to lose its shiny-new feel at some point in the near future. Kind of like buying a new CD and listenening to it over & over so that you can be equally as tired of the new music as you are of the older music. Then, everything rather magically achieves common ground and life returns to normal. Okay, this is my plan, alright?

I've also been tagged (again!) by Tammy @ The Color of Home. Since it is different than the others, I will go ahead and do it in spite of the fact I'm growing tired of memes, lol.

How long have you been together?

We have been married 30 years and 6 months. Bewildering but true.


How long did you date?

We dated approximately a year, but we had known each other all through grade school. That fact was important because I remembered him & he had no recollection of me, lol.


How old is he?

He and I are the same age... 55. Only he's 3 months older than I. The old fart.


Who said "I love you" first?

I have no qualms whatsoever that it was me. Once he said he loved me, he of course, thought he'd never have to say it again. I straightened him right out on that issue.


Who is taller?

He is. I'm 5'4" and he's 6' (and shrinking)


Who is smarter?

No ambiguity here. Book/politics/worldly matters smart: Hubby
Common sense/people/artistic smart: Me


Who does the laundry?

The majority of the time I do it. Nonetheless, when I get slovenly about the laundry, he does a load of his things only. He's not allowed to ever do mine. I'm sure you can figure out why that rule is in place.


Who does the dishes?

Since the kids have been gone, the hubby has assumed the duty of doing the dishes most of the time. Although, I am known to occasionally soil my manicure.


Who sleeps on the right side of the bed?

He sleeps on the left side of his bed and I sleep on the left side of my bed, lol. You do the math.


Who pays the bills?

I paid them for the first 15 years, then he took over. I had my hands full enough with 2 midgets.


Who mows the lawn?

The lawn service. Hubby used to mow it but he only did it when he felt like it and I wanted it done on the same day every week. He also never edged the lawn (I used to go out & do the worst parts with kitchen shears). So, we have a great lawn guy now who mows, edges, and uses the blower to clear off the property (so it can blow back later the same day). He comes every Thursday. Without fail. It just kills the hubby that he has to pay $35 per week to have the yard done. It's good exercise for his stingy bone.


Who cooks dinner?

When the kids were growing up, it was always me. Even the grilling. Since the kids have been gone, the hubby is beginning to love cooking, so I welcome this new denouement. I'm sure this has nothing to do with the time I went on a cooking strike for a month.


Who is more stubborn?

We're both stubborn but he is way more stubborn than I. Uh-huh! Uh-huh!


Who kissed who first?

We pretty much went at one another simultaneously, with great vigor.


Who asked who out?

He asked me out. In my day, nice girls didn't ask guys out. Unless he was a complete Neanderthal, in which case desperate measures were generally accepted & approved of.

Okay whatever. I asked him out which I guess, makes me a slut. But I'm a married-30-years-to-the-father-of-my-children slut, lol. I should definitely get more snaps for that.


Who proposed?

He did. It was right after we had just completed an especially rigorous round of *Feet Fights* on the sofa at his apartment. We never do have feet fights anymore. I miss those. But, I'd probably just get hurt anyway, lol.


Who is more sensitive?

No question here. That would be me. In every way. Although... he does bring me my favorite flowers after we have a squabble and always gets me what I want for anniversary, birthday & Christmas. It took 20 years for him to reach this point, but now he's much more thoughtful than he was in our early years of marriage. Plainly, the poor dear creatures have to be trained most of the time.


Quite honestly, I don't think I have anyone left that will do another meme. I've already tagged everyone once and some seemed a bit peeved about it while others didn't even do it, so I'm just going to let this ride. Sorry Tammy. HOWEVER, if you want to play along please do so & be sure to let me know so that I can add a link to your blog, for playing.