I apologize For My Absence... I've Been Waiting On Doctors & Reading A Book

Pardon me for my absence but I couldn't get Wi-Fi at either doctors office today (crazy, right?). My first appointment today was with my GP at 9:00 AM, where I read nearly the entire first third of the Stephen King Book "Under The Dome" (a total of 1,074 pages) until I was at last led to the area where they take your weight, pulse and blood pressure. Then I was moved to yet another room where I was able to read many more chapters before the doctor finally arrived. I spent a total of 3 hours waiting and 15 minutes getting berated by my doctor (sounds like fun, huh?). After being scolded for my bad choices in life, I was able to leave with my tail tucked between my legs. Apparently, all of the good things I've been doing just aren't enough. I suppose I should have been out exercising in the below freezing temps or the blowing dirt that was so bad you couldn't see across the street.

Speaking of which, was my next destination... The Allergy Doctor. My appointment was for 1:10 PM, which I was just able to make. I finally saw the doctor at 3:00 PM but he spent over 30 minutes with me asking questions about when my allergies occur. That kind of thing. Let me just say I adore him already, just like everyone said that I would. Then, it turned out that he is best friends with my GP (both from India but speak perfect English). So, I'm really liking this union. It means I can expect many hours of waiting as well as lots of berating, which I probably need. Oh. Joy.

I told both doctors that I'm now hooked on Dr. Oz and The Doctors and they were both thrilled! They each told me that it makes their job easier when their patients know the facts, as well as making us more aware of our conditions, the things we can do to improve our health and the treatments we need.

So, the afternoon was spent getting to know the doctor and vice verse. My first functional appointment is next week for the allergy testing, which will take 3 hours. Judging by the time it took just for an appointment with the doc, I made my appointment for 8:00 AM so that I'll hopefully get out of there by 2:00 or 3:00 PM, but that might be a pipe dream. However, everyone says that once the preliminary visit and testing are finished, it's fairly quick to go in for your shots (after the initial adjustments of course).

I cannot have any meds for allergies until after the testing results, which means my head is in a total fog. I can't function without allergy meds, so this will certainly be fun for the next 8 days....

Yearly Check-Up With My Doctor... Check. Scheduled Colonoscopy... Uh-Oh

WARNING! This post is not for the weak of stomach or mind, so Shoo! However, you'll miss the experience of a lifetime. It'll change your life, I promise.



For some demented reason I thought I could escape having the dreaded colonoscopy, but that doctor of mine is just full of tricks up his sleeve. That man had the audacity to go into partnership with his wife, who is also a GP. I had my blood work done last week, so when I went in today, I was ushered in to see the wife. Mrs. Doctor.


Can we talk? This woman has mastered the *Evil Eye* of all disapproving looks. I swear to God I thought Reverend Mother Margaret Mary had returned from the grave to torture me. She might as well have because Mrs. Doctor must have learned it from The Rev. It made me squirm and twitch like a 7 year old. I can't really describe *the look* except to say that she has the biggest doe eyes that seem to look into the depths of your soul. Although not actually soul cleansing, her *look* comes pretty close to at least being a momentary enema of the mind. It's that look that says "Woman to woman, you know I'm right about this, don't you?" It's quite unnerving.


Thinking I could just say "Oh sure. You bet. Uh-Huh. I'll schedule that colonoscopy right away. Now, can I have the prescriptions for my blood pressure and migraines? Thanks a bunch. See ya next year and yada, yada, yada." Au Contraire. At that point of my visit she also prescribed a bone density test, then reeled me into shock when she picked up the phone and made both appointments for me. I was completely speechless. What kind of tom-foolery was going on?


Apparently, they are on to my modus operatus (or operendi or whatever). The Artful Dodger Of All Medical Appointments. I felt like Elaine on Seinfeld when all of the doctors in The City knew that she was a "difficult patient". Had they been secretly discussing my case behind my back? It was all too clear to me that they had. Evidently they care if I live or die, which I was kind of touched by.



So do I get the one that relays the message it isn't all that bad?









Or do I get the one that reminds me of my concept of Hell and appears to be somewhat invasive? Fine. A LOT invasive. *shiver* Wasn't this kind of stuff banned after concentration camps were closed? I mean, I'm just sayin'.

I want to scream "OUCH!" just looking at this picture, let alone picturing myself going through this kind of horror.


Hmmmmm..... Tough Decision. Egad! I feel faint.


Do I really want to see this? Yes, as opposed to looking at an unhealthy colon. But hey, a rose by any other name...




So, who's in with me on this? Who wants to get a colonoscopy when I do? Anyone? Hello? Is this thing on? Hello? Come on. We can blog about it. Really. It'll be fun! Hellooooo?