The Big Face Firming Cream Reveal.... Opinions Welcome

I must admit that I wasn't necessarily sure about the improvement at the end of 35 days, as the creams had touted. So, I decided to go an additional 10 days days before doing this big reveal, just to see if there was any further improvement.

 
However, it is hard for one to see oneself as others do. You see yourself everyday in the mirror, making it difficult to have an objective opinion. So one must rely upon the opinions of what others see, since they usually don't see you every single day. In other words, your husband's opinion doesn't count because he sees you every day.


As a matter of fact, I will show the post I was going to make on the promised date of reveal. I still wasn't convinced of the cream's merits:

Why do I always believe the snake oil salesmen? I mean, really. How could I be so gullible, right? Luckily, it was only $150.00 and 35 days wasted this time. I've done worse with less results. Seriously. Dr. Perricone's potions are no more effective than the creams you can buy over the counter at Walgreen's (at a much more affordable cost, I might add). I followed his directions to a T and have not had the predicted results. What. A. Surprise.

I had visions of grandiose results, which was completely delusional, as usual. Honestly, do we ever really learn? I think perhaps vanity prevents us from doing so. We all want something for nothing and frankly, it just can't be had when it comes to turning back the clock of aging. Turkey neck? Still here. Jowls? Still here. Puffy under-eye bags? Still here. Thanks for nothing Dr. Perricone! Keep trying to perfect that snake oil!

Here's the upshot of the deal... Either you're born with the desirable genes that allow you to age like Audrey Hepburn, or you've been a saint your entire life, or you go under the knife, or you learn to live with the bags and sags. There is no affordable fast fix, so get over that right now. We get old and we sag and it sucks but we're stuck with it. Unless you want to spend the price of a trip around the world (on a face lift), your choices are slim and the results are debatable, at best. I'm approaching the point of total surrender and I'm completely exhausted with trying every new *miracle cream*. It doesn't exist. In other words, there is no magic potion, girlfriends. Every single day of the last 35 days I've awakened each morning thinking I'd say "OMG!" when I look in the mirror. So. Did. Not. Happen.




We are what we are and there is, of course, no getting around it. So, I've decided to roll with the wrinkles. Again. However, I would just like to say that God could have at least allowed me to age gracefully, but apparently, it's not my lot in life. I would really prefer to be one of those people that doesn't give a rat's patootie, but I'm not. Unfortunately. This too, I shall learn to deal with.

Ten days down the road my attitude began to change as I saw some improvement (at least I think I did). So, I'd like to see what you, my readers (if there are any left) think about it. Do you detect a change? Also, I should explain that I've since been to the allergy doctor for testing and I'm only horridly allergic to one thing... GRASS... every variety. Gee, you don't find that everywhere, right? Not. They have me on Nasonex and Zyrtec, but I've not noticed much change with the post nasal drip. However, I HAVE noticed a visible change in my eyes returning from from practically swollen shut to looking rather normal.  But, who knows why? It might be the creams or possibly a combination of both or all things rolled together. I also started UB tanning and vigorously exercising, but all of these elements are necessary to work effectively with the creams, believe it or not. There really is no miracle yet, okay? But with keeping your body healthy and doing what you know is right, it is possible to turn back the clock a few years.




I admit I haven't always been one to wash my makeup off before retiring at night, which is definitely not a good thing. I've now changed that. I also admit that the change in my appearance isn't drastic but it is slightly noticeable. Or perhaps I'm just seeing what I want to see. What say you, dear readers? I'd really like to have some feedback here (before I purchase my next round of creams from Dr. Perricone)....

.....

I apologize For My Absence... I've Been Waiting On Doctors & Reading A Book

Pardon me for my absence but I couldn't get Wi-Fi at either doctors office today (crazy, right?). My first appointment today was with my GP at 9:00 AM, where I read nearly the entire first third of the Stephen King Book "Under The Dome" (a total of 1,074 pages) until I was at last led to the area where they take your weight, pulse and blood pressure. Then I was moved to yet another room where I was able to read many more chapters before the doctor finally arrived. I spent a total of 3 hours waiting and 15 minutes getting berated by my doctor (sounds like fun, huh?). After being scolded for my bad choices in life, I was able to leave with my tail tucked between my legs. Apparently, all of the good things I've been doing just aren't enough. I suppose I should have been out exercising in the below freezing temps or the blowing dirt that was so bad you couldn't see across the street.

Speaking of which, was my next destination... The Allergy Doctor. My appointment was for 1:10 PM, which I was just able to make. I finally saw the doctor at 3:00 PM but he spent over 30 minutes with me asking questions about when my allergies occur. That kind of thing. Let me just say I adore him already, just like everyone said that I would. Then, it turned out that he is best friends with my GP (both from India but speak perfect English). So, I'm really liking this union. It means I can expect many hours of waiting as well as lots of berating, which I probably need. Oh. Joy.

I told both doctors that I'm now hooked on Dr. Oz and The Doctors and they were both thrilled! They each told me that it makes their job easier when their patients know the facts, as well as making us more aware of our conditions, the things we can do to improve our health and the treatments we need.

So, the afternoon was spent getting to know the doctor and vice verse. My first functional appointment is next week for the allergy testing, which will take 3 hours. Judging by the time it took just for an appointment with the doc, I made my appointment for 8:00 AM so that I'll hopefully get out of there by 2:00 or 3:00 PM, but that might be a pipe dream. However, everyone says that once the preliminary visit and testing are finished, it's fairly quick to go in for your shots (after the initial adjustments of course).

I cannot have any meds for allergies until after the testing results, which means my head is in a total fog. I can't function without allergy meds, so this will certainly be fun for the next 8 days....

Today Begins My Biggest Skin Cream Test, To Date….

By the way, Happy Valentine’s Day to everyone!

Now, this might be kind of scary, so prepare yourself. If I can put myself *out there* and show what I really look like, then you can surely follow along. The first picture is of me, from 25 years ago. The second picture is from approximately 15 years ago. The rest of the pictures are current, from today. While I fully realize that creams will not make me look 30 years old again, I'm thinking that even the slightest improvement would put a smile on my face...

In my ongoing desperate struggle effort to slow down the signs of aging wrinkles and sagging skin, I broke down and ordered some creams I’d heard about on Dr. Oz. I’d actually have liked buying ALL of the creams offered but that would have cost around $500.00. So, I read up on each of the creams and decided Dr. Perricone’s Advanced Face Firming Activator and the Advanced Eye Area Therapy. Still expensive by my standards, but the older I get, it seems I become more and more willing to fork over additional dollars in an attempt to slow down the effects of gravity and life.

I ordered the creams over the weekend and they arrived today, so I will show you a few pictures of my face and neck, targeting several trouble spots. Now, these creams are *said* to show a definite visible improvement by the end of 35 days, so, we’re just going to find out if it’s all just a bunch of baloney or if the ingredients in these creams are really what they promise to be. I think this should be really interesting. If it turns out good, I might have to buy stock in the company. ;-)

Check out that turkey neck, will you?

Since today is February 14, 2011, that means I won’t take another close-up picture of my face and neck until March 20, 2011, the first day of spring. I’m really excited about this and am hoping to see some pretty amazing results, but as you know, the jury has just been picked and the trial has just begun.

The very last picture was taken today after I applied my makeup, which only gives a slight improvement these days.

Check my allergy swollen eyes that are already beginning to droop worse than ever. Before too long I won't have any peripheral vision because the upper lids will soon be covering the eyes.

I hope you’ll join me for the Big Reveal on March 20^th!



On another note, I think I do this every year at this time because of my pasty, white skin, which better shows everything about my neck and face that seems to be going south. This week is (amazingly) going to be in the 80's temps, which I can hardly believe since it was below zero last week. Doesn't that make you want to move here? Surely not.

Then, here I am in Italy back in September (5 months ago with no allergies). Hmmmm...

Let Me Introduce You To Some New Little Friends, Courtesy Of Dr. Oz....

Although I never turn on the TV during the day, I've recently started watching The Dr. Oz Show. Now, some people (as in Mr. Snooty) will say that it's just more TV Land hype, but this man is changing our world with a lot of the information he feeds us about everything from aging to losing weight, lowering blood pressure, lowering cholesterol, slowing down the process of aging, plus a world of other information. It seems as if I learn something new every time I watch his show. He never seems to endorse any particular product, just the ingredients that are beneficial to us, which to me, makes him more credible than most. Besides, most of his suggestions are ingredients from the earth, which I'm all for.

Yesterday Dr. Oz informed viewers that the strongest antioxidant there is comes from the sour cherry. Yes, that's right. If you drink one 6 oz. glass of tart cherry juice every evening with dinner, you'll be getting the equivalent of eating as many daily requirements of fruits and veggies (but it must be with dinner & at least 3 hours before you retire to bed for the max benefits). 

Another light bulb over the noggin was an ingredient called DMAE which (along with a healthy diet & exercise) not only prevents wrinkles but makes them disappear within about a 35 day period. 

Another wonder is watercress, which has proven to protect your skin from cancer. For women, just three 1/2 cup servings a week can also help prevent skin cancer AND breast cancer. Big. Time. 

If you ever find yourself doubting Dr. Oz you can always do a google search on the ingredient then hit the news link, which will tell you everything you need to know plus whatever controversy there is over said ingredient. What could be more simple?

It turns out that we really are what we eat.

Also, you can always DVR Dr. Oz or set your recorder if you aren't home to see it live. This TV show is a treasure trove of health information, so do yourself a favor and tune in to Dr. Oz, five days a week on NBC (and no, I'm certainly not being paid for this endorsement, although I probably should be).

I think I might have a celebrity crush on Dr. Oz....

Yes, I'm One Of Those People Who Sings In Their Car....

Yes, at the mature (ahem!) age of 58, I still sing along with my music in the car. Today, as I was returning from Home Depot and I must admit I was really rocking out. As I was sitting at a stoplight, I looked over at the car next to me where 4 teenagers were watching me and howling with laughter (hey, it wasn't that funny). So, I decided to really give them a show, and I used my thumb as my microphone, really *belting it out*. Then, I turned and winked at them. Frankly, those teenagers stared at me in horror at that point. I'm certain they were thanking God that I wasn't their mother. But hey - they did stop laughing hysterically.

Sure. I'm not anyone like Mick Jagger, but I'm younger than he is too. I still love to sing (even though there are notes I can no longer hit). I'll sing at the drop of a hat, really. Why? Why would I do this? Because it makes me feel good and it makes me happy. I like to be happy, so I sing. Sue me.

But kids, let me warn you. I'm not alone out here. My entire generation (the rock & roll/hippie generation) is chock full of thumb-microphone-singing and air-guitar-playing old farts, so you'd better get accustomed to it... or at least tolerant of it, because I have a feeling you're going to see more and more of it as my generation ages.

Why, you ask? Because even though the human body ages, our human brains still think we can pull it off. Scary? Well, not so much as seeing some idiot kid texting while they are driving.

I'd much rather be singing in my car than driving around trying to text on my phone....

Let Me Introduce You To Some New Little Friends In My World....

My brother-in-law (Mr. Snooty's older brother by 3 years) is so prodigious and wonderful! He constantly keeps me up to date on new things I would have never known about, had he not informed me of them. He's VERY knowledgeable about herbal remedies and an array of mystical *things* that can help us in this life.  I believe that I could trust him (and Mr. Snoots) with my life. Allow me to introduce you to a few of his little *life helpers*.

Even before my awful spider bite that released venom under my skin instead of into my bloodstream, he'd advised me about the wonders of activated charcoal capsules. What are the actual benefits of this, you ask? Well, they are:

1. Emergency treatment of many different kinds of poisons (internally and externally).

2. It's a natural deodorant as well as a disinfectant. Yes, just don't even ask.

3. Useful for gas, flatulence and an upset stomach. I wonder when that perk will begin to work.

4. It's most effective when used 2 hours before or after meals. Otherwise, it has the power to also absorb the nutrients that you need.

5. It can be used (internally) to fight off toxins but also (externally) as a poultice for bites and stings of many kinds. However, you should be sure to call the poison hot-line to be sure which ones. Be prepared to stay on *hold* for a bit.

6. Orally administered, these fine black granules have an amazing ability to extract and neutralize many more times their own weight in gases, heavy metals, toxins, poisons and other chemicals. Every household with young children should have this available.


Here's another fine health product, Fish Oil Omega 3 -EPA/DHA, which helps to control high cholesterol without the need for FDA approved pharmaceuticals. I believe the FDA is and has been corrupt for many years, so I am totally distrustful of anything they approve. Can we spell lobbyists?  Anyway, it also helps with:


1.  Bone density and joint mobility


2.  Mental health, wellness and mental acuity


3.  Healthy cholesterol levels

4. Eye health, visual acuity 


5.  Skin, nail and hair health (Ever wonder why those nails are splitting and breaking or your hair is thinning? Here's your sign...)


6. Heart health


7. Healthy food glucose levels (to stave off Diabetes 2)


8. Energy and endurance (gawd knows we all need help in that department)

Another excellent herbal product is Rhodiola, which is useful for brain power and concentration. I also discovered "Mozart For The Mind" which is a CD of classical music (written by Mozart, of course) that enhances your learning power when you study... great for college and graduate school offspring. It really does help (even for old farts like me). I purchased the "Mozart for the Mind" CD on iTunes. Otherwise, everything else is available at your local health food store.




I've always detested having to take fiber in any form until some genius came up with Fiber Select Gummies. What's not to love about that? Besides, they are much better for you than gummy bears! I also started buying Gummy Vites, so I no longer hate having to take vitamins. The only problem now is refraining from eating too many...

In other words, my friends, it's time to return to the Earth and all that it gives us. The offerings are plentiful and they work. Of course, this is an argument that my doctor and I have had for years. He's an advocate of the many pharmaceutical company's products, which is unacceptable to me. He wants to slap me with a new prescription of some kind every time I turn around. Save that crap for when you really need it... later in life. God gave us many things that come from the earth to work for us first. Get a clue and use them.


Be happy and get healthy and I'll have another amazing new finding to post for you in a couple of days ....

Chasing Time, Treading Water... AND... A Cool Blog Giveaway By The Suburban Princess....

I suppose by the time you reach my age (57) you realize that you are merely chasing time, in every way thinkable. It surely seems that way, at any rate. After all the years spent trying to *beat the clock*, I'm rewarded with now chasing time instead. Some perk, huh? Yes, aging is just filled with all kinds of little perks.




In my constrained efforts to beat that clock again, I've started swimming every day. My friends that have a house in the Colorado mountains have retreated to the cool of said mountains for *a while*. That means I have total use of their pool here until their return, so I'm making good use of it. I. Love. To. Swim. Being in the water and swimming makes me happier than almost anything these days. However, when I first started out this year I had no idea how out of shape I was! The first day I was only able to swim a weak 5 laps. Whew! It was a long winter (which I mostly spent sitting on my arse, blogging). Now it's time to pay the piper, so I'm pushing myself every day to do more.




After studying my naked image in the 3-way mirror, I was slapped with a reality. That reality was that I used to be in shape and for some reason let it all go and now it's time to pick up where I left off. It's time to get my derrierre into shape. Don't get me wrong. I actually like the reflection of my body. Naked, I look wonderful. It's clothing that gives me pause. If I looked as good in clothes as I look naked, I'd be such a happy camper.

So, yes, I'm trying to find a happy medium between *chasing the clock* and trying to *beat the clock*, as if there is such a thing. I took several *BEFORE* shots of myself and at the end of this summer I will reveal those pictures along with the *AFTER* pictures. Don't worry. They won't be naked pictures. But, they will be pictures of me in a swimsuit so that you can see the improvement. Because there WILL be some improvement. I'm determined and once I set my mind to something, there is no deterring me. I never give up on anything I undertake and don't plan to start now. So, stay tuned...




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Now, you must go to The Life of a Suburban Princess blog to sign on for her giveaway of a *Sex And The City* tote bag that is just adorable! I'm as big a fan of SATC as SP is, so I really want it, but won't die if I don't get it. Anyway, you can enter the contest in 4 ways:


1. Leave a comment on her blog for 1 entry.
2. Follow her on her blog for 1 entry.
3. Promote her blog on your blog, in a post for 2 entries.
4. Without looking it up, you must tell her how Carrie & BIG met in the early shows of Sex And The City.

YOU MUST PUT ALL YOUR ENTRIES INTO ONE COMMENT!

The Suburban Princess will not be publishing any comments on her giveaway post until the winner is announced on Monday, June 7th, 2010.


So, have fun and Good Luck!

My Mind Has Some 'Splaining To Do To My Body... But I'm Cleaning Up My Act

I'll be the first to admit I abused my body for many years but once I wised up got older I realized I could no longer ignore the effects it had  on me and the toll it took on my poor unsuspecting body. The folly of youth, right?


I think this is finally the year that I grow up and realize that I can't keep abusing my body and expect it to take it forever. I don't actually abuse it as I did in my younger days but I do ignore it much of the time. It needs water. It needs food. It needs moisturizer. It needs vitamins. What more could you require, right? Wrong. The body needs exercise and so does the brain. It needs some foods far more than it needs or wants other foods. It's all a matter of pH balance, which straddles a fine line with the typical American diet.  We have become a fast food society and it's killing us, ultimately. It sure was doing a number on me until I changed my ways.



Having grown up during the time that McDonald's and What-A-Burger first made their appearance (with many others to follow) I can vouch that we were all brainwashed from the time we were little kids. Most of us didn't realize what a toll this novel new idea in food would take until we hit 50 and had to go on medications to keep the long term effects of our past eating habits from killing us. Granted, many of us  have genetically inherited problems, but our past eating habits didn't help either.



I can honestly say that I haven't eaten at a fast food restaurant other than Subway or Schlotzky's in years. Oh wait. There was that one Thanksgiving night that we were staying at a hotel with nothing to eat so I went out and found the only place open in Austin, Texas. Jack In The Crack Box and became deathly ill after eating that burger. It certainly taught me a lesson. Never leave home for the holidays unless you have a place to cook your own food. Or order room service. We were staying at a residence inn type place, with no room service.



Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I'm making a lot of changes in my life right now. Some of them have been easy. I gave up drinking chickory coffee with cream and sugar and now drink only green tea with Truvia. I used to throw little tantrums if I couldn't have my coffee every morning. I know. What was I thinking? We sometimes go a whole week without having any beef which was once unheard of in this household. Mr. Snooty's grandad was a rancher and we used to get a free side of corn-fed beef every year. I severely cut back on my use of Advil (I used to take a handful at a time when I still had my vegetable garden). Directly due to the effects of not drinking enough water (no fun) I now drink three 20 ounce cups of water every day. I used to think I was so good for drinking water all day but it was the same one cup, all day. I never used to eat breakfast because I'm too lazy to fix it. Now I have a bowl of instant oatmeal everyday because it's better than nothing. I got my bike tires fixed and am attempting to make it more than a couple of blocks each time I go out. I take more vitamins and supplements than I do medications, for preventive purposes. And the list goes on...
 

The latest addition to my healthy products list is this wonderful nectar of the Aloe Vera plant from Fruits Of The Earth. It's called Aloe Vera Juice and it's benefits are plentiful. Just click on the pictures to read all about it. I've long preached the healing qualities of the Aloe Vera plant and this just takes it it totally over the top. I'm convinced I can't live without Aloe Vera and I still never go on a trip without a little freshly pinched piece of Aloe Vera. I've strapped it onto a wound overnight via a sturdy Band-Aid and it's healed 70% the next day. It's medicinal qualities are better than anything you can buy at the drug store.


So... What is your personal path to better health and longevity?


Not only do I hope to live to be this old, but also this sharp:

Beyond The Age Of Fifty There Should Never Be Any Arms Length Photographs... Unless They Can Be Airbrushed

This morning I rose to find it actually did snow, which makes me wish I was 10 years old again so I could go outside and build a snowman... Anyway, I wrote this post last night & was too tired to finish it


I was desperately trying to work on reshaping my Christmas tree after it being ravaged by Mr. Snoots, being yanked here and shoved there, then left to get dusty in our rented storage unit. Let me just say that it took a heavy beating last year. I might possibly never get it to look right again but being slightly OCD, I probably will. That, or I'll cough up the cash-ola to buy a new one every 3-4 years. It would undoubtedly save a lot of time and trouble every 3-4 years at least.


Anyhoo, I couldn't see well enough to tell what I was doing and then I had a scathingly brilliant idea. I pulled out my headlight and immediately donned it. Voila! Problem solved. However, the people driving around looking at lights in our neighborhood surely thought I was some sort of odd Christmas light bobbing up and down as I worked the tree. I think they even drove by several times. Seriously. I have no drapes in the living room. Only the faux drapes we had put in temporarily when we first moved in here. Uh-huh. Only 25 short years ago.


So I went into a room with a mirror to take a picture of something other than the top of my head or half my face. I was horrified. Truly. With no makeup on, it was especially frightening. I now see my grandmother staring me in the face with a ridiculous headlight on. It's exactly the sort of thing she would have done at this age and yes, I look very much like her. Scary stuff indeed.


Remember how they always used to film Doris Day and Loretta Young with cheesecloth or something over the lens? It softened their faces since they were beginning to age. That's how I want to be photographed from now on and if I can, get a hologram of myself that always looks great. Now, that would be something useful. Trips to Europe? $15,789.00. A hologram? Priceless....


Hey - A girl's got to do what a girl's got to do...



And let me just say that it's colder than a witch's you-know-what tonight. I've already gone through the firewood I brought in last night and I'm dreading having to walk outside three steps to get some more. (I know. My problems are enormous, aren't they?) Tonight it's supposed to drop down to around 21 degrees with a wind chill of 8 degrees. I have all the outdoor plants bundled up for winter so we'll see how it goes, I suppose. The inside plants are already starting to give me dirty looks and whisper about what a bad provider I am. I've been... busy.



They are still predicting snow, but so far I haven't seen so much as a flake (well, not a snowflake anyway). Widiots. The weather idiots. They say 1/2" to 1" by morning but it's now 11:30 PM and as usual, nothing. Geeze. I'd love to have a job like that.

Here it is people.... Are you ready? Our snow has arrived. Maybe those guys got it right for once. After four days of predicting it every day.

Let Me Introduce You To Another Of My Little Friends...

If you've been reading my blog for a while, you know that I've so far tried just about every anti-aging cream on the market, with little or no positive results.... until now. This new cream I've been trying seems to really be working, especially on my saggy neck skin. I hate my saggy neck skin (AKA Turkey Neck)! Back in the day, it was a bit more fondly referred to as a woman's *wattle*.


I've gotten to where I can look at my reflection in the mirror and actually *overlook* all the *saggy-ness*... most of the time. Then reality sets in and I get so depressed about it that I could cry or puke (and often do). Obviously, I'm not the perfect poster child for aging gracefully.


Then, I saw an ad on the internet for this new face and neck cream called RESTORE (snake) Venom Compound and yes, I paid my $100.00 for a little one ounce jar of cream. (Actually, I bought two jars.) It must be good since it's so expensive, right? Not really. But, this particular cream seems to be showing visible signs of working. I'm hoping it's not just my overactive imagination, but my neck doesn't seem quite so saggy or jiggly lately. Could it really be true that snake venom based compound could actually be tightening my poor aging skin? Or is it simply seeping through to my brain and making me think it's working? It makes me think of that scene in 'Mama Mia' when one of Meryl's character's friends was hung over and couldn't get up. The other friend then jumped up and said "Quick! Get her donkey testicle cream!"


Well, I've now resorted to taking lots of pictures of my face and neck so that I can compare them several months down the road. Sounds like a seethingly brilliant idea, doesn't it? This is where I digress. As if it wasn't enough torture looking in a magnified mirror to apply my makeup, taking close-up pictures is enough to make most women my age go screaming into the closest plastic surgeon's office in tears, begging for help. It strikes the deepest fear of most women.




However, I felt this self-torture was necessary to have a true pictorial account of the virtues (or perhaps not) of this supposedly *miracle* cream that promises to work as well as Botox. Hmmm... That's quite some promise. Hopefully, I will find out for myself whether or not all of the promises are sleazy advertising bunk or might possibly have some truth to them somewhere.




This is where we discover whether or not there is any *proof in the pudding*, so to speak. In other words, if I don't make a pictorial chronicle of my neck & face, how will I ever know if it's really working? Honestly, they didn't promise a face-lift, so I need some proof. Right?




So, stick with me on this. I'll be updating the progress (with dauntingly realistic pictures) every other week. Since I purchased two jars, we'll just ride this pony to the end of the trail, okay? I'm thinking that it should last me 3 months if I use it twice a day, as directed. At the end of this *trial period* we'll find out whether I'm off to buy the company (or the stock) or whether I'll be exposing them for being frauds.

Are you in?



Does anyone remember the show 'Ally McBeal' and Greg Germann's character Richard Fish who had a *wattle fettish*? Seriously, are there any men out there worth having that really love a woman's *wattle*? NO! (Okay, fine. Perhaps there are a few *choice* men.) Most women don't like it either, including *moi*. When 'Ally McBeal' was popular (1997 -2002) I thought those were the most hilarious episodes! Now, I'm afraid I'd cry and throw up if I watched them. It's only funny when you're young and bulletproof.



Approximately a week ago, I received an enormous negative blood transfusion from a honking huge mosquito, on my neck. For a week now, it appears that I have a huge hickey on my neck. At my age. I only wish (just kidding). I have not even once, scratched it and yet it appears to have a very crusty scab. I had also gotten bitten several times on my chest and several on my upper back. None of those have turned crusty, nor have any of the mosquito bites I can ever remember having. Ever. So, I must have leprosy or something, right?


I seriously cannot go to see the Dermatologist here. The woman was spawned in Hell and I detest her. She's from India and does everything short of slapping you after you've waited two hours to see her. She verbally berates you for having moles and/or a tan. I tried to explain that I've always had moles. I also tried to explain to her that my tan is thanks to Neutrogena, but I'm sure she didn't understand me since she continued to verbally flog me throughout my visit, in a language she claims is English. Apparently, there is another English language entirely, that I'm unaware of.

I suppose I'll try to find a Dermatologist in Austin and make an appointment for the next time I go there. However, by the time that future appointment rolls around, you know the scab on my neck will be thoroughly healed. That, or I'll be dead. Why do we allow doctors like her to take over our medical fields in this country? And why don't we have more choices? And why can they not speak intelligible English?

Yes, I'm just full of questions today...

But I Thought This Was Only For Old People....

Last week I went for my bone density test and am told that I have Osteoporosis. Holy Crap Batman! I thought that was only something old people got, then I remembered. I am getting old. When did this happen? Apparently, this happened while I was busy taking care of everyone else. While the kids were growing up, I have to admit I didn't take very good care of myself. I was always so busy, that I attended eveyone's needs but my own. I think most women tend to do the same thing. So, now I'm beginning to see the results of my folly.

I was under the false impression that I was getting enough calcium from my daily vitamin and the foods I eat. Let me just tell you right now that is the wrong thing to think. It's especially wrong to think if you're getting ready to go through menpause or are in the middle hell of it. You need to double up on calcium because 90% of post menopausal women have Osteoporosis. Hmm.... Evidently, I wasn't paying attention. I should have already known this. Maybe I knew it and merely ignored it, which is highly likely. The only good news being that I am POST menopausal.

You see, being immature allows my brain to think I'm still as young as my mind. Screeeeeech! So why isn't my body behaving in accordance? It's called the nature of things and I don't think Mother Nature likes me very much. Her gravity is starting to make all my saggable body parts droop and now this Osteoporosis thing. When will all this craziness end? Why didn't I start working out like Madonna when I still looked good? Why wasn't I paying attention? Why didn't someone slap me into consciousness?

Anyone have a spare Xanax? I think I need one....

My New Exercise Toy... One More In A Long Line of Failures

Over the years I think I've bought just about everything that has ever been offered for exercising at home. I've had the Step System, which lasted one session before I realized I hated it.


I've also had a number of different exercise cycles, none of which I liked enough to use more than twice. I also had a rowing machine, which I loved, but it broke and couldn't be repaired. I had another *method* that I can't remember the name of, but it consisted of a slick surfaced mat, cloth booties and a video. You skated back & forth on it and I liked it for a while. Then I didn't like it anymore.


I've also had a ridiculous amount of workout tapes like Jane Fonda's series, The Skiing Workout (which damn near killed me), and yes, I even bought a Richard Simmons called "Sweating To The Oldies". Once I saw it, I couldn't imagine what I must have been thinking. I laughed so hard I couldn't do the exercises. Then, I bought a Pilates Set but it was just too damned boring and moved too slow. I did watch it all the way through one time, but didn't exercise. Just watched. I think I fell asleep, so it did have one good purpose. Inducing sleep. Not great for exercise.

I used to race-walk for a couple of years but got bored with going alone. I also walked miles and miles and miles over the years. Then I went through the bicycling stage, which I really got into for a while. Until the daily temps hit triple digits. Not wanting to die, I gave it up for the summer and never picked it up again.


My last foray into the world of exercise was The Torso Track (otherwise known as The Torture Track). We all know how miserably that turned out. Six months later, I think I'm finally healed from that fiasco. What happens when I finally heal? Yes, you guessed it. I always decide to try something new in an effort to save my poor aging body from complete & utter ruin.


So, in sticking with the idiot purchases I've made in the past, I now have a new exercise toy. You know how when you're on an airplane and looking at the Sky Mall magazine, and everything in it looks to be something you desperately need? Uh-Huh. Well, once I saw this little baby, I just had to have it.


Let me formally introduce you to my latest attempt at getting in shape:









Time will tell whether this little machine does what I want it to do. However, it fits under my computer desk, which makes it convenient. I did 10 miles on it yesterday and so far, I actually like it. I also did 5 miles with my arms. This may just turn out to be the thing I've looked for all these years. Like I said, time will tell.

Oh My Gaaaawd! Is That Me In The Mirror?

This was one of my very first posts that I think warrants being posted again, since I didn't even have any comments at the time. At the bottom, I'll tell you the results of my anti-aging cream testing.

This is a picture of me with friends when I was a ripe young 19 (that's me on the left). Then...Oh my GAAAAWWD! One day a few years ago, I woke up, looked in the mirror and saw an aging woman with jowls beginning to take a prominent position on her face, staring back at me. Worse yet... it looked just like my mother until I did a double-take & realized it was me! Horrified, I began buying every cream & lotion that promises to take ten years off, in hopes that I could easily reverse this aging process running rampant on my face with a mere matter of dollars. Oh - well... to be truthful, it seems to be running rampant over my entire body, but the majority of available beauty products don't seem to promise anything about the rest of the body... just the face & neck. Yes, I've bought practically every "tightening" cream available, and GUESS WHAT? Yup, after first thinking it was working, I had to admit that I cannot tell any difference from before. Perhaps I can just stay covered up all the time. Sure, that should be fun when we have those days that feel like a hair-dryer on high/hot.

So I started thinking (which can be a dangerous thing)... maybe l can save other women from spending any more money on products that JUST DON'T WORK. Now, if I were a cold, calculating BITCH, I'd get out there & create my own blend of "magical ingredients" and sell it as an anti-aging cream & make a fortune just like all the other assholes who have cashed in on our generation aging. However, I've always believed this: Everyone wants to reach reach the top of the big pile of life, but you should at least be able to be proud of the way you get there. Enough said there.

Here is what I know for certain.... the MAIN FACTOR in aging gracefully is obviously, good genes. Since many of us do not have good genes, the next best thing is to start taking care of yourself at an early age. Trust me on this one.

I have a friend who has been exercising, eating right, living right, and slapping her neck waddle daily for 30 years and at 55, she looks incredible. I've seen her family and can assure you that it isn't genes. So, every night, after having my cocktails, eating what I please, leaving on the day's makeup, and "poo-poo-ing" exercise, my friend was busy doing all the right things. Frankly, she could almost pass for my daughter... aaargh! If you don't start out early in life, it just becomes something you make New Year's Resolutions about later (and we all know what happens with those, lol). Oooops... too late here.

I'm currently using Hydro-Derm which I can't decide on yet. I think I need new eyeglasses before I make any rash decisions. Before that, I tried IQ Derma for the recommended time and saw no positive changes. (I won't elaborate yet on the not-so-positive. Stay tuned.)

Before that, I tried a line called Arbonne which promised tightened skin in all the right places. Again, I see no change. None of these were cheap, mind you. Arbonne offers a Starter Kit that includes about a 3 month supply of Cleanser, toner, wrinkle serum, eye cream, Transforming Lift Serum, face cream & body lotion for just around $300.00.

Next, I tried IQ Derma, who offers a Starter Kit that includes their "Life Without Wrinkles" face cream, SkinTensive wrinkle serum & a free 1/2 ounce jar of Triple Firming Eye Therapy for approximately $98.00. Again, no improvement here.


Then, I tried Sovage which cost $119.00 for a 6 ounce tube of it. Once again, I saw absolutely no improvement.

HydroDerm offers a .33 ounce dropper bottle of Triple Effects Eye Serum, a 30ML dropper bottle of Age-Defying Wrinkle Serum and a 1 ounce jar of Age-Defying Renewal Moisturizer for approximately $84.95. Again, I see no improvements after 22 straight days of use. Who knows? Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow & faint when I look in the mirror, but.... that's like believing all those stupid e-mails that say "something wonderful will happen when you send this e-mail to 20 friends". Yeah, right... whatever! I think I've come to the conclusion that aside from "going under the knife", we have no options that actually work. That is, unless you want to go around all day with a towel turban on, really tight (since it seems to be the only thing I've seen positive results with).

However... there is a light in the horizon. Several months ago I purchased a line of make-up online called RAW, which is an incredible line of mineral based cosmetics that is to die for! I had begun to notice that in all the pictures of me, I was beginning to resemble a Geisha Girl with white Kibuki make-up. I was starting to look just like all the women I said I would never look like!!!!!! Yikes.... Once I started wearing the RAW line, I absolutely love it! Now, I have a more natural look, yet still look polished. For approximately $120.00, you get the following: 2 jars of different shades of mineral foundation powder, a jar of powder blush, a jar of translucent powder with sunscreen, 2 tones of concealer in a compact, .05 ounce of Illuminating Skin Perfector (like a bronzer), a maximum coverage brush, a loose powder brush, a concealer application brush and a tube of black mascara. I love it all and plan to continue buying the RAW products as long as they keep making them.

Now, after using the Hydroderm for more than six months, I can definitely tell a difference. My jowls aren't so pronounced and the lines around my eyes have tightened. I've also noticed that my neck isn't as saggy either. So, I think I'm going to stick with the Hydroderm for a while longer. It's the first improvement I've seen in two years of trying all the other products. And, it is the least expensive of all those I've tried. Go Figure.