Weddings, Water Wells, Weeping & Skype.... Huh?

Saturday night we'll be attending a *Black Tie* wedding reception at the country club, which has had me in total fashion turmoil. Normally, when invited to a wedding, one must dress for the church as well as the celebratory reception following, which usually means a dressy skirt suit or a strappy cocktail dress with some sort of cover-up for the ceremony at the church. Right? After the invitation arrived I put it up on our bulletin board and made note of it on our big calendar, then forgot about it. Then, one day I started looking a bit closer at the invitation and realized this was just for the reception, stating that it was *Black Tie*, at THE country club.


Apparently, the young couple were joined in holy wedded matrimony with just family present, in some fabulous tropical location (no doubt barefoot), prior to this black tie event. First of all, I've never been to anything during the heat of a West Texas summer that required black tie attire. In the winter, black tie affairs abound. In summer? Like never. I mean, will they have  the air conditioning cranked as low as it will go or what? 


So, in my normal freak-out mode, I began to stress over what to wear. Men just have to wear a tuxedo. No muss, no fuss. No one cares what they look like, right? As women, we're required to determine (without trustworthy help) just what black tie means for us. After searching the internet I'm more confused than ever now.


At first, I was going to wear the dress I'd worn to our daughter's Deb Presentation. I mean, I'd only worn it once. Unfortunately, I'd forgotten how much weight I'd lost since then (SD's sophomore year of college). It's a size 14 and I didn't have time to have it altered to the size 10/12 I'm wearing now. You cannot get anything like this done quickly, in this part of the world. Trust me.


Of course, I then resorted to scouring the internet for a suitable dress, being full length or tea length. Macy's, Nordstrom's, Dillard's, Bloomingdale's, Neiman's, etc. The list went on and I was finding NOTHING. What I mean is that I couldn't find anything suitable for me, whose arms need to be slightly hidden so people don't throw up when they look at me. Seriously. The women (my age) here all look like they are 30, which I can't do, since it would require heavy workouts and massive amounts of plastic surgery. So, I have to work my magic in other ways.


If I thought my normal hot gluing techniques would work, I'd probably go for it but I finally found a dress. It's a gorgeous navy blue "Alex Evenings" dress that looks stunning on me..... I. Think. Actually, when on me, it's off the shoulders since I don't really have any shoulders. Hopefully, I'll feel gorgeous tomorrow night and have a marvelous time.


As yet another perk to my week, the pump for our water well DIED. In 100 plus degree heat. It was several days before the water well guy was able to come repair it. What started out as replacing an old pump, quickly became $3,000.00 worth of new pipe and a list of other items needed to get her up and running again. There goes my my new windows. But I'm not complaining. Not really. Without our water well, we'd be restricted to watering a mere 2 days of the week in this drought that just won't go away. Watering only 2 days of the week in 100 degree plus temperatures would surely finish off what little we have left. So, that was fun.  Or. Not.



Then yesterday my week really took a nosedive when SD left for London and Oxford Law School, to have a wonderful experience and get some important credits in a short amount of time. I'm sure this will look outstanding on her future resume', right? Besides, she's also taking a side jaunt to Spain with friends she intends to *hook up* with. She has another side trip planned as well but I can't remember where she's going on that one. I wasn't there to see her off on her overseas flight (Dallas is a 5-1/2 hour drive from here) but I still bawled like a baby. I'm not quite sure why. I thought I was enjoying my *empty nest*. Perhaps I just wish I could be a little mouse in her pocket and go with her; keep her safe. But as parents, we can't really do that without totally screwing them up ruining their lives, can we?


So, my darling daughter, I wish you well. Stay safe. Study hard. Know that we will always love and adore you. Enjoy your half dozen Genie Bras. Come home to Texas when you're finished with your Oxford law studies.


As per your instructions, our new *Computer Guru* came here today and installed the Skype you said I needed. I can hardly wait to use it and see/talk to you. I already miss you and everything about you, but I know you'll have the experience of a lifetime, especially since you've already been to Europe once before and pretty much know *the ropes*. I. Am. So. Proud. Of. You. I hope you get to play some soccer as well. They might even teach you some new moves...

You are the shining light in my life. Whatever shall I do without you to talk to on the phone for so long? God Speed, my dear daughter. Have. The. Time. Of. Your. Life....



I feel like such a ridiculous sap of a mother but thank you for letting me live vicariously through you and your exciting life, I've always wished I'd experienced. You're my favorite person in the world and it's been one helluva ride. Thank you.

The Big Face Firming Cream Reveal.... Opinions Welcome

I must admit that I wasn't necessarily sure about the improvement at the end of 35 days, as the creams had touted. So, I decided to go an additional 10 days days before doing this big reveal, just to see if there was any further improvement.

 
However, it is hard for one to see oneself as others do. You see yourself everyday in the mirror, making it difficult to have an objective opinion. So one must rely upon the opinions of what others see, since they usually don't see you every single day. In other words, your husband's opinion doesn't count because he sees you every day.


As a matter of fact, I will show the post I was going to make on the promised date of reveal. I still wasn't convinced of the cream's merits:

Why do I always believe the snake oil salesmen? I mean, really. How could I be so gullible, right? Luckily, it was only $150.00 and 35 days wasted this time. I've done worse with less results. Seriously. Dr. Perricone's potions are no more effective than the creams you can buy over the counter at Walgreen's (at a much more affordable cost, I might add). I followed his directions to a T and have not had the predicted results. What. A. Surprise.

I had visions of grandiose results, which was completely delusional, as usual. Honestly, do we ever really learn? I think perhaps vanity prevents us from doing so. We all want something for nothing and frankly, it just can't be had when it comes to turning back the clock of aging. Turkey neck? Still here. Jowls? Still here. Puffy under-eye bags? Still here. Thanks for nothing Dr. Perricone! Keep trying to perfect that snake oil!

Here's the upshot of the deal... Either you're born with the desirable genes that allow you to age like Audrey Hepburn, or you've been a saint your entire life, or you go under the knife, or you learn to live with the bags and sags. There is no affordable fast fix, so get over that right now. We get old and we sag and it sucks but we're stuck with it. Unless you want to spend the price of a trip around the world (on a face lift), your choices are slim and the results are debatable, at best. I'm approaching the point of total surrender and I'm completely exhausted with trying every new *miracle cream*. It doesn't exist. In other words, there is no magic potion, girlfriends. Every single day of the last 35 days I've awakened each morning thinking I'd say "OMG!" when I look in the mirror. So. Did. Not. Happen.




We are what we are and there is, of course, no getting around it. So, I've decided to roll with the wrinkles. Again. However, I would just like to say that God could have at least allowed me to age gracefully, but apparently, it's not my lot in life. I would really prefer to be one of those people that doesn't give a rat's patootie, but I'm not. Unfortunately. This too, I shall learn to deal with.

Ten days down the road my attitude began to change as I saw some improvement (at least I think I did). So, I'd like to see what you, my readers (if there are any left) think about it. Do you detect a change? Also, I should explain that I've since been to the allergy doctor for testing and I'm only horridly allergic to one thing... GRASS... every variety. Gee, you don't find that everywhere, right? Not. They have me on Nasonex and Zyrtec, but I've not noticed much change with the post nasal drip. However, I HAVE noticed a visible change in my eyes returning from from practically swollen shut to looking rather normal.  But, who knows why? It might be the creams or possibly a combination of both or all things rolled together. I also started UB tanning and vigorously exercising, but all of these elements are necessary to work effectively with the creams, believe it or not. There really is no miracle yet, okay? But with keeping your body healthy and doing what you know is right, it is possible to turn back the clock a few years.




I admit I haven't always been one to wash my makeup off before retiring at night, which is definitely not a good thing. I've now changed that. I also admit that the change in my appearance isn't drastic but it is slightly noticeable. Or perhaps I'm just seeing what I want to see. What say you, dear readers? I'd really like to have some feedback here (before I purchase my next round of creams from Dr. Perricone)....

.....

Today Begins My Biggest Skin Cream Test, To Date….

By the way, Happy Valentine’s Day to everyone!

Now, this might be kind of scary, so prepare yourself. If I can put myself *out there* and show what I really look like, then you can surely follow along. The first picture is of me, from 25 years ago. The second picture is from approximately 15 years ago. The rest of the pictures are current, from today. While I fully realize that creams will not make me look 30 years old again, I'm thinking that even the slightest improvement would put a smile on my face...

In my ongoing desperate struggle effort to slow down the signs of aging wrinkles and sagging skin, I broke down and ordered some creams I’d heard about on Dr. Oz. I’d actually have liked buying ALL of the creams offered but that would have cost around $500.00. So, I read up on each of the creams and decided Dr. Perricone’s Advanced Face Firming Activator and the Advanced Eye Area Therapy. Still expensive by my standards, but the older I get, it seems I become more and more willing to fork over additional dollars in an attempt to slow down the effects of gravity and life.

I ordered the creams over the weekend and they arrived today, so I will show you a few pictures of my face and neck, targeting several trouble spots. Now, these creams are *said* to show a definite visible improvement by the end of 35 days, so, we’re just going to find out if it’s all just a bunch of baloney or if the ingredients in these creams are really what they promise to be. I think this should be really interesting. If it turns out good, I might have to buy stock in the company. ;-)

Check out that turkey neck, will you?

Since today is February 14, 2011, that means I won’t take another close-up picture of my face and neck until March 20, 2011, the first day of spring. I’m really excited about this and am hoping to see some pretty amazing results, but as you know, the jury has just been picked and the trial has just begun.

The very last picture was taken today after I applied my makeup, which only gives a slight improvement these days.

Check my allergy swollen eyes that are already beginning to droop worse than ever. Before too long I won't have any peripheral vision because the upper lids will soon be covering the eyes.

I hope you’ll join me for the Big Reveal on March 20^th!



On another note, I think I do this every year at this time because of my pasty, white skin, which better shows everything about my neck and face that seems to be going south. This week is (amazingly) going to be in the 80's temps, which I can hardly believe since it was below zero last week. Doesn't that make you want to move here? Surely not.

Then, here I am in Italy back in September (5 months ago with no allergies). Hmmmm...

Let Me Introduce You To Another Of My Little Friends...

If you've been reading my blog for a while, you know that I've so far tried just about every anti-aging cream on the market, with little or no positive results.... until now. This new cream I've been trying seems to really be working, especially on my saggy neck skin. I hate my saggy neck skin (AKA Turkey Neck)! Back in the day, it was a bit more fondly referred to as a woman's *wattle*.


I've gotten to where I can look at my reflection in the mirror and actually *overlook* all the *saggy-ness*... most of the time. Then reality sets in and I get so depressed about it that I could cry or puke (and often do). Obviously, I'm not the perfect poster child for aging gracefully.


Then, I saw an ad on the internet for this new face and neck cream called RESTORE (snake) Venom Compound and yes, I paid my $100.00 for a little one ounce jar of cream. (Actually, I bought two jars.) It must be good since it's so expensive, right? Not really. But, this particular cream seems to be showing visible signs of working. I'm hoping it's not just my overactive imagination, but my neck doesn't seem quite so saggy or jiggly lately. Could it really be true that snake venom based compound could actually be tightening my poor aging skin? Or is it simply seeping through to my brain and making me think it's working? It makes me think of that scene in 'Mama Mia' when one of Meryl's character's friends was hung over and couldn't get up. The other friend then jumped up and said "Quick! Get her donkey testicle cream!"


Well, I've now resorted to taking lots of pictures of my face and neck so that I can compare them several months down the road. Sounds like a seethingly brilliant idea, doesn't it? This is where I digress. As if it wasn't enough torture looking in a magnified mirror to apply my makeup, taking close-up pictures is enough to make most women my age go screaming into the closest plastic surgeon's office in tears, begging for help. It strikes the deepest fear of most women.




However, I felt this self-torture was necessary to have a true pictorial account of the virtues (or perhaps not) of this supposedly *miracle* cream that promises to work as well as Botox. Hmmm... That's quite some promise. Hopefully, I will find out for myself whether or not all of the promises are sleazy advertising bunk or might possibly have some truth to them somewhere.




This is where we discover whether or not there is any *proof in the pudding*, so to speak. In other words, if I don't make a pictorial chronicle of my neck & face, how will I ever know if it's really working? Honestly, they didn't promise a face-lift, so I need some proof. Right?




So, stick with me on this. I'll be updating the progress (with dauntingly realistic pictures) every other week. Since I purchased two jars, we'll just ride this pony to the end of the trail, okay? I'm thinking that it should last me 3 months if I use it twice a day, as directed. At the end of this *trial period* we'll find out whether I'm off to buy the company (or the stock) or whether I'll be exposing them for being frauds.

Are you in?



Does anyone remember the show 'Ally McBeal' and Greg Germann's character Richard Fish who had a *wattle fettish*? Seriously, are there any men out there worth having that really love a woman's *wattle*? NO! (Okay, fine. Perhaps there are a few *choice* men.) Most women don't like it either, including *moi*. When 'Ally McBeal' was popular (1997 -2002) I thought those were the most hilarious episodes! Now, I'm afraid I'd cry and throw up if I watched them. It's only funny when you're young and bulletproof.



Approximately a week ago, I received an enormous negative blood transfusion from a honking huge mosquito, on my neck. For a week now, it appears that I have a huge hickey on my neck. At my age. I only wish (just kidding). I have not even once, scratched it and yet it appears to have a very crusty scab. I had also gotten bitten several times on my chest and several on my upper back. None of those have turned crusty, nor have any of the mosquito bites I can ever remember having. Ever. So, I must have leprosy or something, right?


I seriously cannot go to see the Dermatologist here. The woman was spawned in Hell and I detest her. She's from India and does everything short of slapping you after you've waited two hours to see her. She verbally berates you for having moles and/or a tan. I tried to explain that I've always had moles. I also tried to explain to her that my tan is thanks to Neutrogena, but I'm sure she didn't understand me since she continued to verbally flog me throughout my visit, in a language she claims is English. Apparently, there is another English language entirely, that I'm unaware of.

I suppose I'll try to find a Dermatologist in Austin and make an appointment for the next time I go there. However, by the time that future appointment rolls around, you know the scab on my neck will be thoroughly healed. That, or I'll be dead. Why do we allow doctors like her to take over our medical fields in this country? And why don't we have more choices? And why can they not speak intelligible English?

Yes, I'm just full of questions today...